New Series: Love

Guest blogger Alison Lawson shares on "Heart to Heart in Marriage"

“Love is an action.”  These wise words of my dad almost twenty years ago have been among the most impressionable and practical he has ever shared.  Although applicable in every relationship, this advice is often difficult to employ.  We find ourselves caught up in emotions instead of appropriate actions (or reactions).  During this month of “love”, I would like to share with you a series of posts related to my reflection on and application of these brief words. Let’s begin with marriage.

Do you remember when you first fell in love with your husband?  Maybe it was “love at first sight” or perhaps it happened over time and one day you realized, “Hey, I love this guy!”  Many of us have great stories to tell of those magical moments.  What about now?  Do you still feel the same?  Although years and children sometimes have a way of significantly reducing those feelings, the passing of time should not diminish the love we have for our husbands. In fact, that love should only get stronger if we properly understand that love is an action, not a feeling. 

Consider this scenario.  It’s been a hard day.  You have changed countless number of diapers, wiped up soggy cereal, played with – and cleaned up – an assortment of toys for several hours, and eaten yet another peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch.  And don’t forget the whining you have listened to all day and the discipline you are trying so hard to instill in each child.  You could use a break. 

You call your husband and share your struggles, hoping he will suggest a meal out or maybe bring you some flowers.  Instead, he arrives home late from work, is tired and cranky himself, and wants to crash in front of the television instead of helping with the children.  Do you feel love for him at this moment?  Definitely not!

This is just one scenario that perhaps you have gone through that may have caused you to question your love for your husband.  Each of us could probably give numerous other situations – laziness, work obsessions, sports obsessions, maybe some we cannot even bare to mention - that drain out all feelings of love for the man we married. 

In moments like these, we must remember that love is an action, not a feeling.  Love is something we give to our husbands even if we do not always receive it back.  It is an unconditional commitment made to a spouse.  We love when he is selfless and when he is self-seeking.  We love when he gets it right and brings home flowers or takes us out, and we love when he makes numerous mistakes and fails to notice our needs.  We love even when the feeling just isn’t there. 

We love him by doing all we can to meet his needs and desires.  Rather than nagging when he is late or preoccupied, we choose to hold our tongues.  We refuse to talk negatively about him to others or angrily showing him our frustration when he is insensitive.  Instead, we gently share our feelings and concerns with him.  We love him by being patient, kind, and thoughtful even when his actions appear self-centered or inconsiderate, because we are not ultimately accountable to him, but rather to God. 

We remember those exciting dating days and those special moments, like our wedding day and the births of our children.  We pray for and seek ways to make more fun and memorable moments in the future while we continue to love him, both in good times and in bad.  Love is not how we feel at the moment, but rather a choice we make.  Let’s choose to love our husbands by our actions.

“Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Alison Lawson has been a part of the Southeastern community for over twelve years.  Her husband, Michael, earned Masters of Divinity and Doctor of Ministry degrees from Southeastern, and has been employed at SEBTS as the Director of Campus Security since 2002.  Mike and Alison have been married for fifteen years and have three sons whom she home schools: Brandon (7th grade), Nicholas (4th grade), and Zachary (2nd grade). They are members at Wake Cross Roads Baptist Church.  Read more about what God is teaching Alison and her family at www.fivefootprints.blogspot.com.