How to Not Die of Loneliness During the Holidays When You Can’t Go Home

Sometimes the hardest part of the holidays is the fact that you live eight hours away from family and can’t afford to go home.

I didn’t quite know how much I’d struggle my first year away from Florida. Sure, I had lived away from home during college, a whole one hour and forty-five minutes away, but moving to Wake Forest was my first time living in a different state than my family and childhood friends for an extended amount of time. Through my time here, God has shown me more than I ever expected (or, at times, wanted!). Here’s a few ways I’ve learned to enjoy different kinds of holiday seasons through my fair share of moping, crying, and making do. Maybe you’ll start to see the fun and adventure constrained circumstances can actually afford during the holidays!

1. Build a Community Where You Are

Make new friends. When my parents and I first unloaded a U-Haul of furniture, clothes, books, and whatever else I deemed necessary to life here in Wake Forest, I knew absolutely no one.

No contacts. No friends. Nada. So I know how awkward and exhausting it can be to make new friends in a place where you have zero history.
 I felt like I couldn’t be frustrated or have a bad day. New people wouldn’t know that I wasn’t being normal Lindsey, but grouchy Lindsey, or really, really, tired Lindsey, or hangry (so hungry you angry!) Lindsey. What if people thought that’s how I acted all the time?

The crazy thing that I had to learn is that if you want a history with someone, be it a friend or mentor or church, you have to build it. And building a history takes time and effort, so don’t give up or expect too much too soon. Pray that God would provide a solid, biblical church where you fit in—you’ll need people from all walks of life beside you—and other women to walk alongside. Then go out and make friends. Go to your church’s events. Talk to people. Invite them to coffee or over for a movie. And most importantly, learn to listen. Ask others about themselves and be genuinely interested in what they have to say.

If you want to be here, really be here, then you have to build a community. Otherwise, all you’ll do is think about home, call friends every chance you get, and be so lonely here you won’t want to stay.

P.S.—Trust me, it gets easier. You’ll make friends, good friends you wouldn’t trade for anything. You’ll grow (more than you thought possible), and you’ll see God provide for you in ways you didn’t know you’d need.

Invite others in. Once you have your people, your new friends, always continue inviting others in.

I know, you might get jealous or worry maybe your friend will like them and ditch  you—you get all, you know, defense-mode. I’ve had other girls act that way towards me when I was apparently getting too close to their friend, and I’ve acted that way before, too. But don’t be like that. Not only does it make you look both immature and insecure, it also doesn’t reflect the biblical picture of community we see in scripture.

Be hospitable—genuinely welcome others into your life.

(And, no, this does not mean you have to be BFFs with every person out there. But you do need to be friendly and show them the same love that has been shown to you.)

2. Start Your Own Traditions

Decorate! Maybe this is obvious, but if you’re not going home for a holiday or only get to go home for a few days, decorate your apartment! Hit the Goodwill or local thrift shops around town and find a few decorations to help your apartment feel festive. Make your little home warm and inviting, even if only for yourself and roommates. Y’all know Pinterest has all sorts of fun, inexpensive ideas to decorate: don’t just pin ‘em, make ‘em! And if you have extras you don’t want or won’t use, pass them on to others.

Celebrate! You’re in a new place with new people—how exciting! Start your own new traditions! This could either mean incorporating your family’s traditions, like a favorite movie while cooking together or decorating with your new friends (while also letting them introduce you to their special family traditions), or it could mean starting something completely new altogether. Google local events going on in the area, and then go explore! Find a swanky little coffee shop you’ve never been to and enjoy a cup of Pumpkin Latte or Peppermint Mocha together. Have a picnic of cocoa and treats in the park. The possibilities here are just about as endless as your own creativity. Get out and do something!

3. Keep Perspective 

As amazing and unbelievable as this might seem, whatever your life looks like this holiday season, well, it probably won’t look the same come this time next year.  Maybe you or a friend will move to another city or a different apartment. Maybe you’ll get married or have a baby. Or maybe you (or your husband) will graduate and find ministry work elsewhere. You never know what this upcoming year might hold. So don’t take what you have here, right now, for granted. As Trace Adkins once sang, “You’re gonna miss this”: the ridiculously small apartment, the even smaller budget, and the community of other seminarians (just as poor and cramped as you!) just trying to be faithful and prepare well while living their lives together one ordinary day at a time. You only get so many Easters, Thanksgivings and Christmases here—don’t waste a single one! Your God is sovereign and aware of where you are. Be where He has you, even if it’s not where He’s going to keep you.

Lindsey Pope is a 2011 graduate of the University of Florida (Go Gators!) and is currently pursuing her M.Div in Christian Ministry. At the age of sixteen, she was called into Christian ministry; that same year she met two women, one in her twenties and the other in her forties, both pursuing their M.Divs. It was then that she first started dreaming of seminary.

Over the Pond… Where Mission Work Took Place in My Heart!

My heart was broken by the words Matthew spoke at the 9marks Conference: “It is more likely for a Scottish person to know a Muslim than a Christian.” How could this be? If Scottish people don’t know any Christians, how will they ever hear the good news of the gospel or even want to hear it when it is presented?  These are the exact thoughts of the 20Schemes founders. 20Schemes is a one-year-old Christian Church Planting Organization that is trying to plant 10 churches in 20 years in the schemes of Scotland. Schemes are a European name for government housing, though these communities are like mini cities within a city, with 10,000 plus people living in each scheme. Because of the governmental system, most people do not work and therefore spend all day doing…well… really whatever they want. Children go to school but only have to attend until they are 16. Then, because they are able to live on the system, most never aspire to attend college or university.

With demographics as the ones listed above, it is no wonder most people living in the schemes are single moms with drug and addiction problems with abuse running rampant, whether child abuse or relational abuse. 20 Schemes has recognized that if they can plant churches in the middle of these schemes, where they provide a coffee shop or other form of public service in the church, they can reach the people relationally.

This idea presented by Matthew at the conference caught my attention, and I was hooked: I wanted to see what God was up to in the schemes of Scotland, so I signed up to join the Scotland mission team that traveled over Spring break of 2014.

When I arrived in Scotland, I was pleasantly surprised by the “warm” weather and the lack of rain. I was also surprised by the agenda of the trip. Though we had arrived thinking we were doing mission work, the trip ended up being much more of a vision trip to hear about the purpose and mission of 20Schemes. When I first realized this, I must admit I was discouraged, as I had hoped to get to know native Scottish people and share the gospel with them. God used this trip, though, in a completely different way than I expected. God changed my view of a mission trip and redirected my thinking to remaining missional minded. He pressed me to learn how to be a better missionary in the context I am presently living by observing other believers in their everyday lives.

The team worked with a church in the Nidre Scheme, in Edinburgh, Scotland. We got to meet the church leaders and also many of the native interns that are doing ministry through the church. As I talked with the members of the church, I realized that their entire method of integrating people into the church is through discipleship. In all actuality, they really don’t invite people to church until they have shared the gospel with them and formed a deep-rooted relationship with them. This is such a different way to go about evangelizing, as compared to our “American way”. Discipleship is the key thing in the church. When a person becomes a Christian, they are immediately paired with an “older” person in the church to be discipled weekly. They are to be taught the gospel truths and held accountable in every area of their lives. Because of this, people immediately feel a sense of community and are instantly held accountable for their decision to become a Christian. This was absolutely beautiful to me.

My heart is to disciple women. Having the Women’s Ministry pastor in Scotland ask me what I was doing weekly to disciple girls was humbling. When she asked if I discipled anyone, I answered “yes.” When she pushed me as to what that looked like, she quickly clarified that she didn’t want a “tea and biscuits” answer. As Christians, we can get tea and biscuits (or Starbucks) with anyone anytime. Discipleship should be a spiritually older woman coming alongside a spiritually younger woman teaching her the Bible and asking her the hard questions. Yes, this can be done over tea, but the content of the conversation shouldn’t be trivial things; it must be godly things. If this isn’t happening, it isn’t truly biblical discipleship.

As the week progressed, we visited many sights included Sterling Castle in Glasgow, Edinburgh Castle in Edinburgh, as well as various places throughout Edinburgh. We even ventured out and tried Haggis (yes, sheep intestines- That will be the one and only time I do that). We stayed at a seminary in Edinburgh where we met students studying from various parts of Europe. Where we have 4,000 enrolled in our seminary, they have about 20 enrolled. This is the stark contrast between Europe and America- one more example of the lostness of Scotland. The team of 12 grew close quickly, and there was never a dull moment with Dr. Eccher leading our team. It was amazing seeing each person on the team come alongside their team members to love and encourage each other, even though most of us had only met one time before.

There are so many things I could tell you about the trip, but I would like to leave you with these thoughts. Though the trip was not a mission trip in the sense I was expecting, we were able to encourage our brothers and sisters in a way they rarely ever receive. We visited two pastors in Glasgow, Pete and Pete (we jokingly called them “Pete and re-Pete”).  While there we were able to go into the high school and meet students as well as meet with teachers in a primary school and talk to them about the gospel. I absolutely loved this more “mission geared” day, but I realized that the people who received the most missional love and support were Pete and Pete. Our brothers and sisters in Scotland are lonely and tired and worn down. They find their strength in the Lord, but there is power in the body of Christ- the joy they expressed because we visited them was humbling; it proved the urgency we need to have, as the body, in not only reaching the lost but supporting out fellow brothers and sisters.

As I come back from my trip to Scotland, I am not only encouraged to rethink my goals as I disciple younger women, but I am challenged to push hard to loving my brothers and sisters where I am at as well as from afar. As I think of the many missionaries overseas (or stateside), I am struck with how little I do to love them from America. A simple card through snail mail or email would not take much time at all, and it would mean the world to my Christian family that doesn't have much family and support close by.

I challenge you, as women of Southeastern: Don’t wait another day to love your spiritual family. Don’t take for granted the incredible gift we have here at Southeastern where we are “surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses.” And don’t stop teaching the truth, searching and spurring on new believers to think about the tough questions. Challenge those you are discipling and be intentional in the way you teach, reproof, correct, and train (2 Timothy 3:16) those whom God has placed in your life. Finally, look at every experience as a missional experience. Whether you are personally serving or observing others as they serve, let God teach you more about His character and how He wants you to actively participate in the mission He has called his children to live out.

Catie Thomas is a student at Southeastern working towards her Masters of Divinity in International Church Planting. She is also currently the Administrative Assistant in the Women's Life office. She has a heart for women and is humbled that God allows her to share His truth with them, whether that means mourning with them as they mourn or rejoicing with them as they rejoice. She looks forward to the future as she continues on this journey with the Lord but joyfully rests in the place where God has her here at Southeastern.

The rain and ice didn't deter Southeastern women from fellowship and learning about Christ's abiding love!

In case you missed the event, or want to walk down "memory lane", enjoy the pictures below!

The night started out with setting up and preparing for the "fon" due event!

Women slowly began to trickle inside from the chilly, icy air.

After registering, women quickly began loading their plates with yummy treats to dip into the chocolate that was awaiting them on their tables.

Let the fun and messiness begin...

Catherine Blinson started the evening out with a fun game.

Gift cards were given to the winners...

After some gab and games had taken place, the women spent time worshiping Jesus' magnificent name.

After a wonderful time of fellowship and worship, Lauren McCall, a current student at Southeastern, spoke about Lifestyle Evangelism. 

Referring to the words of truth in John 15, Lauren gave practical tips in how to abide in Christ in a personal context as well as when sharing the gospel truths with those around us.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine dresser. 2 Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.3 Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. 7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. 9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. 10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. 11 These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants,for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. 17 These things I command you,so that you will love one another.

Until next time, may you abide in His great name!!!

College Girls Night 

with Mrs. Akin

March 24 ~ 7-9pm

At the home of Dr. and Mrs. Akin

Magnolia Hill ~ 308 Durham Drive

Come ready to be just a little bit silly, spend time getting to know one another and Mrs. Akin, and of course ~ snack on some delicious goodies!

RSVP by March 19th: Contact us at Women's Life

womenslife@sebts.edu or 919.761.2340

A few years ago, I went to the Women’s Life Office and the receptionist was talking about her Discipleship Group. When I inquired about the groups, Denise O’Donoghue asked me if I would be interested in leading one!  She assured me that it would be a valuable addition to the Biblical Counseling degree that I was pursuing.  I prayed long and hard about becoming a D-Group leader, since I am in my late sixties. The Lord and the Holy Spirit guided me to lead a D-Group. This reminded me of Philippians 4:13 . . .

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

With the Lord’s guidance, I could move forward more confidentially.

Discipleship Groups, which are commonly known as D-Groups, are required of every first-year college student at Southeastern.  According to the Office of Discipleship and Spiritual Formation,

“The D-Groups are an incredibly effective forum where students are encouraged, challenged, and equipped to better pursue an authentically Christian way of life.”

The curriculum that the students work through orients them around the beliefs of the Christian faith. It explains why and how our beliefs should be lived out as we love God and love one another.  After the first year, students who have participated in a D-Group should be equipped to start leading their own D-Groups, whether in the local church or here at Southeastern.

In 2011-2012, I decided to lead my first D-Group. We were permitted to use the conference room in the Women’s Life Office for our meetings. Four young ladies worked through the D-Group materials and discovered the challenge of diversity.  The second semester, one of the ladies decided to complete her D-Group requirements at a local church.

In 2012-2013, I again volunteered to be a D-Group leader. I was assigned to co-lead the group with the (then) Women’s Ministry Coordinator, Carrie Gilliam. We actually already knew one another! Carrie and I were assigned four young ladies who helped to make our sessions very stimulating.  Once again, we met in the Women’s Life Conference Room. During this year, we realized the necessity of encouraging consistent attendance. This time all of the girls remained with us for the second semester. We were thankful that they realized how important studying I & II Timothy would be in equipping them for discipleship.

Each year is different than the last. In 2013-2014, I volunteered for another year of D-Group activities. This year, I was assigned another co-leader, the new Women’s Ministry Coordinator, Lesley Hildreth. Lesley thought that she would be the oldest women in the room, but we really have a great generational cross-section.  I am seventy-one and Lesley is 43 (and not the oldest one in the room!). One of our ladies is a 35-year old spouse of a seminarian with 3 children. Another young woman is 21 and has spent some time in Costa Rico. Our youngest group member is eighteen, but she has already traveled to India a few times because her father is from India.

One thing that is important for our group this year is that each person respects the others’ ages and opinions.  Further, it is interesting to hear how things are different from one generation to the next.  Sometimes, we are not able to finish our lessons exactly the way that we plan because of other concerns that we need to address. We are thankful that the Office of Discipleship and Spiritual Formation  has given us enough flexibility in the lessons to discuss such things. Our goal in all of our lessons is to glorify God.

Another neat aspect of our group this year is that we are able to help each other in so many different areas.  For example, Lesley can help the ladies with parenting questions relating to both sons and daughters, because she has both.  I can help answer questions about daughters, because my own daughters are 48 and 46, a little older than Lesley.

As D-Group leaders, we prepare well for our lessons, because we know that we cannot glorify God with a poorly prepared lesson.  We pray on a regular basis for members of our group. We talk through assignments together and offer suggestions to make things easier. We are encouragers and mercy-givers. We love to nurture people in the Lord and we enjoy helping people grow in their Christian walk.

Are you interested in D-Groups? Contact the Office of Discipleship and Spiritual Formation at gmichael@sebts.edu.