How to Not Die of Loneliness During the Holidays When You Can’t Go Home

Sometimes the hardest part of the holidays is the fact that you live eight hours away from family and can’t afford to go home.

I didn’t quite know how much I’d struggle my first year away from Florida. Sure, I had lived away from home during college, a whole one hour and forty-five minutes away, but moving to Wake Forest was my first time living in a different state than my family and childhood friends for an extended amount of time. Through my time here, God has shown me more than I ever expected (or, at times, wanted!). Here’s a few ways I’ve learned to enjoy different kinds of holiday seasons through my fair share of moping, crying, and making do. Maybe you’ll start to see the fun and adventure constrained circumstances can actually afford during the holidays!

1. Build a Community Where You Are

Make new friends. When my parents and I first unloaded a U-Haul of furniture, clothes, books, and whatever else I deemed necessary to life here in Wake Forest, I knew absolutely no one.

No contacts. No friends. Nada. So I know how awkward and exhausting it can be to make new friends in a place where you have zero history.
 I felt like I couldn’t be frustrated or have a bad day. New people wouldn’t know that I wasn’t being normal Lindsey, but grouchy Lindsey, or really, really, tired Lindsey, or hangry (so hungry you angry!) Lindsey. What if people thought that’s how I acted all the time?

The crazy thing that I had to learn is that if you want a history with someone, be it a friend or mentor or church, you have to build it. And building a history takes time and effort, so don’t give up or expect too much too soon. Pray that God would provide a solid, biblical church where you fit in—you’ll need people from all walks of life beside you—and other women to walk alongside. Then go out and make friends. Go to your church’s events. Talk to people. Invite them to coffee or over for a movie. And most importantly, learn to listen. Ask others about themselves and be genuinely interested in what they have to say.

If you want to be here, really be here, then you have to build a community. Otherwise, all you’ll do is think about home, call friends every chance you get, and be so lonely here you won’t want to stay.

P.S.—Trust me, it gets easier. You’ll make friends, good friends you wouldn’t trade for anything. You’ll grow (more than you thought possible), and you’ll see God provide for you in ways you didn’t know you’d need.

Invite others in. Once you have your people, your new friends, always continue inviting others in.

I know, you might get jealous or worry maybe your friend will like them and ditch  you—you get all, you know, defense-mode. I’ve had other girls act that way towards me when I was apparently getting too close to their friend, and I’ve acted that way before, too. But don’t be like that. Not only does it make you look both immature and insecure, it also doesn’t reflect the biblical picture of community we see in scripture.

Be hospitable—genuinely welcome others into your life.

(And, no, this does not mean you have to be BFFs with every person out there. But you do need to be friendly and show them the same love that has been shown to you.)

2. Start Your Own Traditions

Decorate! Maybe this is obvious, but if you’re not going home for a holiday or only get to go home for a few days, decorate your apartment! Hit the Goodwill or local thrift shops around town and find a few decorations to help your apartment feel festive. Make your little home warm and inviting, even if only for yourself and roommates. Y’all know Pinterest has all sorts of fun, inexpensive ideas to decorate: don’t just pin ‘em, make ‘em! And if you have extras you don’t want or won’t use, pass them on to others.

Celebrate! You’re in a new place with new people—how exciting! Start your own new traditions! This could either mean incorporating your family’s traditions, like a favorite movie while cooking together or decorating with your new friends (while also letting them introduce you to their special family traditions), or it could mean starting something completely new altogether. Google local events going on in the area, and then go explore! Find a swanky little coffee shop you’ve never been to and enjoy a cup of Pumpkin Latte or Peppermint Mocha together. Have a picnic of cocoa and treats in the park. The possibilities here are just about as endless as your own creativity. Get out and do something!

3. Keep Perspective 

As amazing and unbelievable as this might seem, whatever your life looks like this holiday season, well, it probably won’t look the same come this time next year.  Maybe you or a friend will move to another city or a different apartment. Maybe you’ll get married or have a baby. Or maybe you (or your husband) will graduate and find ministry work elsewhere. You never know what this upcoming year might hold. So don’t take what you have here, right now, for granted. As Trace Adkins once sang, “You’re gonna miss this”: the ridiculously small apartment, the even smaller budget, and the community of other seminarians (just as poor and cramped as you!) just trying to be faithful and prepare well while living their lives together one ordinary day at a time. You only get so many Easters, Thanksgivings and Christmases here—don’t waste a single one! Your God is sovereign and aware of where you are. Be where He has you, even if it’s not where He’s going to keep you.

Lindsey Pope is a 2011 graduate of the University of Florida (Go Gators!) and is currently pursuing her M.Div in Christian Ministry. At the age of sixteen, she was called into Christian ministry; that same year she met two women, one in her twenties and the other in her forties, both pursuing their M.Divs. It was then that she first started dreaming of seminary.

In light of Black History Month, Walter Strickland, Professor of Theology, acquaints us with Phillis Wheatley

Black History Month is an excellent time to be introduced to new literary, theological, and political figures.  I’d like to acquaint you with a young poet who lived in the second half of the 1700’s by the name of Phillis Wheatley.  Born in Senegal in approximately 1753, Phillis was brought to Boston, Massachusetts, on a slave ship in 1761, where she was purchased by John Wheatley as a personal servant to his wife. 

Under the tutelage of Mrs. Wheatley, Phillis became skilled in Latin and Greek and began writing prose at the young age of 12.  Her first volume of poetry was entitled Poems on Various Subjects, Religious and Moral and was published in 1773.  This publication made Phillis the second published African American poet and the first published African American woman.  Phillis died after living a short, yet rich, life in 1784. 

Despite the endless accolades Phillis has collected, not to mention interesting biographical details of her life, Phillis’ greatest boast was that she is a child of the King.  In my estimation the best way to honor this brilliant young poet is to allow her to speak for herself. The following are two of my favorites:

An Hymn To The Evening

SOON as the sun forsook the eastern main

The pealing thunder shook the heav'nly plain;

Majestic grandeur! From the zephyr's wing,

Exhales the incense of the blooming spring.

Soft purl the streams, the birds renew their notes,

And through the air their mingled music floats.

Through all the heav'ns what beauteous dies are

spread!

But the west glories in the deepest red:

So may our breasts with ev'ry virtue glow,

The living temples of our God below!

Fill'd with the praise of him who gives the light,

And draws the sable curtains of the night,

Let placid slumbers sooth each weary mind,

At morn to wake more heav'nly, more refin'd;

So shall the labours of the day begin

More pure, more guarded from the snares of sin.

Night's leaden sceptre seals my drowsy eyes, 

On the Death of the Rev. Dr. Sewell

Ere yet the morn its lovely blushes spread,

See Sewell number'd with the happy dead.

Hail, holy man, arriv'd th' immortal shore,

Though we shall hear thy warning voice no more.

Come, let us all behold with wishful eyes

The saint ascending to his native skies;

From hence the prophet wing'd his rapt'rous way

To the blest mansions in eternal day.

Then begging for the Spirit of our God,

And panting eager for the same abode,

Come, let us all with the same vigour rise,

And take a prospect of the blissful skies;

While on our minds Christ's image is imprest,

And the dear Saviour glows in ev'ry breast.

Thrice happy faint! to find thy heav'n at last,

What compensation for the evils past!

Great God, incomprehensible, unknown

By sense, we bow at thine exalted throne.

O, while we beg thine excellence to feel,

Thy sacred Spirit to our hearts reveal,

And give us of that mercy to partake,

Which thou hast promis'd for the Saviour's sake!

"Sewell is dead." Swift-pinion'd Fame thus cry'd.

"Is Sewell dead," my trembling tongue reply'd,

O what a blessing in his flight deny'd!

How oft for us the holy prophet pray'd!

How oft to us the Word of Life convey'd!

By duty urg'd my mournful verse to close,

I for his tomb this epitaph compose.

"Lo, here a man, redeem'd by Jesus's blood,

"A sinner once, but now a saint with God;

"Behold ye rich, ye poor, ye fools, ye wise,

"Not let his monument your heart surprise;

"Twill tell you what this holy man has done,

"Which gives him brighter lustre than the sun.

"Listen, ye happy, from your seats above.

"I speak sincerely, while I speak and love,

"He sought the paths of piety and truth,

"By these made happy from his early youth;

"In blooming years that grace divine he felt,

"Which rescues sinners from the chains of guilt.

"Mourn him, ye indigent, whom he has fed,

"And henceforth seek, like him, for living bread;

"Ev'n Christ, the bread descending from above,

"And ask an int'rest in his saving love.

"Mourn him, ye youth, to whom he oft has told

"God's gracious wonders from the times of old.

"I too have cause this mighty loss to mourn,

"For he my monitor will not return.

"O when shall we to his blest state arrive?

"When the same graces in our bosoms thrive."

“You are the light of the world.  A city on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.  Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”  Matthew 5:14-16 (NIV)

At first glance, it is easy to see that I am a black woman.  When I speak, it does not take long to assess that I am American (although I have been in the South so long that my Midwest “lack of an accent” is no longer as obvious).   Upon further view of my life, through conversation, actions, purpose, and peace, it is quite clear that I am a follower of Jesus Christ.

Here at Southeastern, I stand out a little bit, and I’m learning to be okay with that reality.  I am a single black woman who is almost forty on a campus where the majority of my classmates are married white males in their early to mid-twenties. This means that every day I get an opportunity to create black history and change other people’s conscious or subconscious perceptions.

I seek to celebrate my blackness, my culture, my history, and my heritage while embracing the good, learning from the struggle, challenging the ugly, and acknowledging the strides.  I pray that celebration becomes a classroom for others.   

In today’s post, I want to propose a challenge.  This is the same challenge I presented to my predominately black students each of my fifteen years of teaching. It is a necessary challenge, especially for those who wonder why Carter G. Woodson chose to create Negro History Week in 1926, which later became Black History Month in 1976. 

Each year when I issued this challenge as a teacher, the responses I read reminded me that there is a great need for recognizing the accomplishments of blacks and of other people of color. 

I understand why many state that it is unfair not to also have a White History Month.  I agree.  In an equal and colorblind world, that would be perfect. But my current response is that most public school curriculums do not teach the important contributions of people of color. 

Therefore, it is essential to accent the positives (and there are thousands of them), especially when the behavior of a reckless few have so dramatically influenced our perception about the majority.

You’re probably wondering, “What is this challenge?”  It’s simple:

List as many famous African Americans/ Black Americans as you can who have made noteworthy contributions to the world. 

But there’s a catch . . .  You cannot name musicians or athletes, unless you can specifically name how they have positively impacted the lives of others.  Once you get past Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Rosa Parks, the difficulty begins.  Oh, I forgot to mention that there is a 5 minute time limit and no resources may be used.

Are you ready? Set a timer and see how you do. I’ll wait.

When you have finished, please keep in mind that intentional evangelism includes crossing all barriers, even cultural ones.  How did you do? 

We are ultimately all part of the human race, but just like when we go on an overseas mission trip, we must learn to interact with the culture of those around us to relate, converse, and at least cross the boundaries. 

Be honest with yourself.  Act on what you learned from this challenge, and take the time to get to know those around you.  Thank you for participating.