How to Not Die of Loneliness During the Holidays When You Can’t Go Home

Sometimes the hardest part of the holidays is the fact that you live eight hours away from family and can’t afford to go home.

I didn’t quite know how much I’d struggle my first year away from Florida. Sure, I had lived away from home during college, a whole one hour and forty-five minutes away, but moving to Wake Forest was my first time living in a different state than my family and childhood friends for an extended amount of time. Through my time here, God has shown me more than I ever expected (or, at times, wanted!). Here’s a few ways I’ve learned to enjoy different kinds of holiday seasons through my fair share of moping, crying, and making do. Maybe you’ll start to see the fun and adventure constrained circumstances can actually afford during the holidays!

1. Build a Community Where You Are

Make new friends. When my parents and I first unloaded a U-Haul of furniture, clothes, books, and whatever else I deemed necessary to life here in Wake Forest, I knew absolutely no one.

No contacts. No friends. Nada. So I know how awkward and exhausting it can be to make new friends in a place where you have zero history.
 I felt like I couldn’t be frustrated or have a bad day. New people wouldn’t know that I wasn’t being normal Lindsey, but grouchy Lindsey, or really, really, tired Lindsey, or hangry (so hungry you angry!) Lindsey. What if people thought that’s how I acted all the time?

The crazy thing that I had to learn is that if you want a history with someone, be it a friend or mentor or church, you have to build it. And building a history takes time and effort, so don’t give up or expect too much too soon. Pray that God would provide a solid, biblical church where you fit in—you’ll need people from all walks of life beside you—and other women to walk alongside. Then go out and make friends. Go to your church’s events. Talk to people. Invite them to coffee or over for a movie. And most importantly, learn to listen. Ask others about themselves and be genuinely interested in what they have to say.

If you want to be here, really be here, then you have to build a community. Otherwise, all you’ll do is think about home, call friends every chance you get, and be so lonely here you won’t want to stay.

P.S.—Trust me, it gets easier. You’ll make friends, good friends you wouldn’t trade for anything. You’ll grow (more than you thought possible), and you’ll see God provide for you in ways you didn’t know you’d need.

Invite others in. Once you have your people, your new friends, always continue inviting others in.

I know, you might get jealous or worry maybe your friend will like them and ditch  you—you get all, you know, defense-mode. I’ve had other girls act that way towards me when I was apparently getting too close to their friend, and I’ve acted that way before, too. But don’t be like that. Not only does it make you look both immature and insecure, it also doesn’t reflect the biblical picture of community we see in scripture.

Be hospitable—genuinely welcome others into your life.

(And, no, this does not mean you have to be BFFs with every person out there. But you do need to be friendly and show them the same love that has been shown to you.)

2. Start Your Own Traditions

Decorate! Maybe this is obvious, but if you’re not going home for a holiday or only get to go home for a few days, decorate your apartment! Hit the Goodwill or local thrift shops around town and find a few decorations to help your apartment feel festive. Make your little home warm and inviting, even if only for yourself and roommates. Y’all know Pinterest has all sorts of fun, inexpensive ideas to decorate: don’t just pin ‘em, make ‘em! And if you have extras you don’t want or won’t use, pass them on to others.

Celebrate! You’re in a new place with new people—how exciting! Start your own new traditions! This could either mean incorporating your family’s traditions, like a favorite movie while cooking together or decorating with your new friends (while also letting them introduce you to their special family traditions), or it could mean starting something completely new altogether. Google local events going on in the area, and then go explore! Find a swanky little coffee shop you’ve never been to and enjoy a cup of Pumpkin Latte or Peppermint Mocha together. Have a picnic of cocoa and treats in the park. The possibilities here are just about as endless as your own creativity. Get out and do something!

3. Keep Perspective 

As amazing and unbelievable as this might seem, whatever your life looks like this holiday season, well, it probably won’t look the same come this time next year.  Maybe you or a friend will move to another city or a different apartment. Maybe you’ll get married or have a baby. Or maybe you (or your husband) will graduate and find ministry work elsewhere. You never know what this upcoming year might hold. So don’t take what you have here, right now, for granted. As Trace Adkins once sang, “You’re gonna miss this”: the ridiculously small apartment, the even smaller budget, and the community of other seminarians (just as poor and cramped as you!) just trying to be faithful and prepare well while living their lives together one ordinary day at a time. You only get so many Easters, Thanksgivings and Christmases here—don’t waste a single one! Your God is sovereign and aware of where you are. Be where He has you, even if it’s not where He’s going to keep you.

Lindsey Pope is a 2011 graduate of the University of Florida (Go Gators!) and is currently pursuing her M.Div in Christian Ministry. At the age of sixteen, she was called into Christian ministry; that same year she met two women, one in her twenties and the other in her forties, both pursuing their M.Divs. It was then that she first started dreaming of seminary.

What does Lent have to do with me?

As a child I never heard people talk about Lent – except maybe when Mom instructed me to clean the fuzz out of the clothes dryer (“Lint” and “Lent” are two very different things, but they sure do sound the same down here in the south, especially to a 3^rd grader).

As I grew older, I saw Lent as a 2^nd try on your New Year’s Resolution.  Did you fail at giving up sugar in January?  You can always try it again in March!

When I finally discovered that Lent is in fact a 40-day season Christians set aside to prepare for Easter, I assumed it was for someone else.  All I had ever done to prepare for Easter was pick out a frilly dress and ask my mom to make green bean casserole for lunch.

I do not think I even knew an evangelical Christian who observed the season of Lent. 

And yet, as I've explored more, I've grown to appreciate the season of Lent, not for the external actions with which we often associate it, but instead for how it helps me refocus on what truly matters – the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  Instead of seeing Lent as an opportunity to lose a few pounds, impress my friends with my self-discipline, or re-start a failed New Year’s resolution, I've learned that Lent can be a wonderful time to intentionally spend 40 days reflecting upon the glory of the Gospel. 

Starting today I’ll be fasting from something I enjoy, but what I fast from is definitely not the point of Lent: Jesus is!

I’ll also be reading through the Passion Week recorded in the Gospel of John, meditating on one chapter per day.  I’ll start today in John 12, read through John 21, and then begin again until we celebrate the Resurrection together on April 20^th. 

Not only this, but I’ll be praying for opportunities to talk about what I’m learning with those around me. What a wonderful opportunity to start a spiritual conversation and share with someone about what Christ has done for us!

Here are my questions for you:  Would you be willing to try Lent this year?  What could you do to intentionally focus on magnifying Christ and His sacrifice over the next 40 days?  How can you use this season of reflection to talk with others about the One who has made all the difference for you?

Emily Anthony loves collecting polish pottery, hiking in the mountains, helping teenagers with their algebra homework, and talking with women about what God is doing in and through their lives.  After spending six years serving as a missionary teacher to third culture kids in Budapest, Hungary, Emily returned to the United States to pursue Masters of Divinity in Women's Studies here at Southeastern. She recently began serving as a ministry assistant for Embrace Women's Missions and Ministry at the Baptist State Convention of North Carolina.

"But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, 

because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him." Acts 2:24

Wahoo!! Doesn’t this verse just fire you up?! 

Celebrating the reality of our Risen Lord, THE Christ, is truly the pinnacle of our faith as Believers.

While that is the focus of Easter Sunday, for our family, it is our fervent prayer that we would

ever so humbly and gratefully celebrate this with every breath of every day!

Believing God’s promise that the SAME power that raised Jesus from the dead is at work in

those who believe (Eph 1:19) is mind-blowing, and certainly something that we should never get over or stop celebrating!

In the days leading up to Resurrection Sunday, the Passion Week,

 there are several efforts we make that powerfully call our hearts to an even more focused reflection and worship 

on the sacrificial death, burial, and Resurrection of Jesus.

Both my husband and I were born and raised in the South,

so sporting new matching Easter dresses for the girls, 

sear-sucker and bow-ties for the men, and sharing in a big family dinner are very real parts of our Easter celebratory traditions.  

As the Lord continues to grow us as individuals and as parents,  

we've also seen a shift away from overly emphasizing the Easter Bunny, Easter Egg Hunts, traditional Easter baskets, or candy galore. 

We certainly don't demonize any of these things, but as the Spirit leads us, 

we are intentionally trying to focus on the true meaning of Easter--

for our own hearts, but especially for the shepherding and informing of the mold-able hearts of our children.  

Let's be honest, this can be a bit of a challenge in our world today. 

After seeking the Lord repeatedly on what this should like for our family, year after year,

 here are a few examples of how we celebrate Easter in the Lyon household:  

Together with our girls, we read over various Scriptures related to the 

Resurrection around the dinner table each night; 

we make play-doh replicas of the tomb, filled and sealed at first, then EMPTY on Easter morning;

we make "Resurrection Rolls" to demonstrate the empty tomb; 

we set a celebratory Easter table to awaken to on Easter morning; 

 we even have fun "Spring Baskets" on the first day of Spring, 

in lieu "Easter Baskets" on Easter morning.   

We also cherish the annual Maundy Thursday service at our church,

which is a somber, deeply moving time of reflection, preparation, and worship 

centered around The Table, the Lord's Last Supper.

Now, it’s important that we recognize our love of Starburst Jellybeans and Cadburry Eggs,

 and that occasionally, we participate in an Egg Hunt, or dye Easter Eggs.

 However, we try and differentiate between these Societal Easter associations

and what the Christian’s true hope is in Easter, the glorious resounding from Matthew 28:6:

"He is not here, for He has RISEN, just as He said...!”

  Stephanie Lyon is the wife of Larry Lyon, the Director of Admissions here at SEBTS and a Pastor at Oaks Church Raleigh, and the adoring mom to Anna Kate (9), Abigail (6), and Maggie Ruth (due in less than 3 weeks!). Stephanie loves taking pictures, blogging, cooking, gardening, hot baths, warm drinks, The Georgia Bulldogs, and spending time with her family and friends.

10 Ways to be a Missional Momma

If we call ourselves Christians, we are supposed to always be on “mission” right?  We have news that is just too good to share.  We are called to “go and make disciples.”  We are called to love one another.  

But that’s not all pretty diamond cross necklaces, is it?  Being missional is hard work.  It’s an everyday decision that we must make.  I have really learned this over the past year or two, but since actually moving overseas it has hit me extremely hard.  How do I do all that I need to do for the day….wash dishes, clean the toilets, keep Grace content, serve my husband, cook meals, wash clothes, etc., AND be missional? Here are 10 ways that I have learned to be missional.  There are 9,872 more, and probably better, ways to be missional, but these are some that the Lord has taught me over the past year.  

#1 Be a Regular

Be a regular customer at a cafe, shop, or restaurant.  This has opened huge doors for me since moving to London.  The biggest example I can use is my weekly visit to the Somali Cafe.  Not even a week after arriving in London, I visited the cafe for the first time and knew that these women would be not only my friends, but hopefully one day women that would be open to the Gospel.  So every Wednesday, around lunchtime, Grace and I take a bus and two trains to get to this little, hidden room, up three flights of stairs, with two tables and a few chairs.  This weekly ritual has become a highlight in my week, and I hope in the Somali women’s lives as well.  We are “regulars.” 

They expect Grace and me every Wednesday.  The cook knows my order and brings it to me without me even asking.  Now, though this has been SO great, it’s not always good.  I have had to earn their trust and their friendship.  Obviously I don’t speak Somali, so many times I sit there just trying to follow foreign conversations.  I am the outsider by all means, but they know me, and they know that every Wednesday at lunchtime, Laura, the American woman, and her little girl will come and drink tea and talk.  

#2 Don’t always gravitate to your comfortable or like-minded friends.

Whether it’s at a playgroup or the library, or wherever, make new friends,  especially with those who seem new, alone, different, out-of-place, etc.  From being one of the those new/alone/different people when we moved here, those women who approached me brought so much joy and hope into my life, even if they didn’t realize it.  I take Grace to the library every Tuesday (again a regular); each time there are many of the same faces, but there are always new faces as well.  I have to make a serious effort to introduce myself to the newbies.  I think people get very confused on why we live where we live because there are not any other Americans in Wembley….or at least I haven’t seen/met them yet.  To be honest, being a little bit different has opened doors for great conversations here.  I’ve had moms comment on Grace’s bows A LOT!  It’s crazy- girl’s just don’t wear bows here, so without me knowing it, we were screaming “Americans” - I have learned that’s okay.

Through meeting these other women, I have been able to hear their stories and share my story.  And in my story, they get to hear about Jesus, and that’s what is it all about, right?

#4 Prayer walk with your kids.  

I confess, this is a new one for me, but it’s something I really want to do more with Grace.  If they are too little to understand, pop them in the stroller and take a walk and pray.  If they are of age, let them help you see what’s around you and pray.  I mean, how awesome would it be for children to learn how to prayer walk!  I hope to do more of this on a weekly basis where that is my main purpose for getting out; however, the great thing about prayer walking is you can do this at anytime, anywhere, and with anyone.  It can be silent or out loud.  That’s the beauty of it.  

#5 Make every purchase count.  

Let me explain.  Go to different (a.k.a strategic) stores in your community where you can buy your groceries and other items.  I do a regular grocery order delivery every week, but we try to let Lee go to the Middle Eastern market to get fruit and veggies.  I know time is not in our favor, but I am really beginning to see how this can make such a big impact.  I know that Wal-Mart/Target is so enticing because it’s your one-stop-shop; Believe me, I’m with ya on this. We have Asda here in London, which is literally the British version of Wal-Mart.  You might have to go to multiple places to get everything you need, but think about all the relationships you can make at different shops (again, the “regular” thing comes in).  

#6 Ask for help - be humble.  

Do little things like asking for help with directions or advice.  Note: you will get unwanted advice, but swallow that pride and really listen to them-  you will learn something about that person that you didn’t know before.  Now, it might be their crazy parenting advice, but you will get insight to their background and their way of thinking… and it might blow your mind.  The (unwanted) advice that we have received from people here has been CRAZY.  I mean, things that just make you want to say, “What in the world are you thinking?” But that’s where the humbleness part comes to play :).

#7 Keep your home open (and food stocked).  

This is something I have greatly learned to LOVE since moving overseas.  The culture of Middle Eastern peoples is come, drop by, and stay a while, and there are times that I love this, and yet there are times where this style of living is really hard (because I am selfish with my time).  Let me say that we don’t own a big, beautiful home that is perfect for entertaining.  We have a small apartment with a couch (about the size of a loveseat), and four kitchen table chairs.  Entertaining and having people over is not convenient, but it’s something that we have chosen to make an effort to do with those around us, especially with our neighbors. We have invited them into our home so that they can see who we are behind our thin walls.  Oh, and the food stocked part - in our neck of the woods that means always have tea ready to be made and “biscuits” (cookies), nuts, and chocolate ready to be put in bowls and served.  I so wish that we would have had a more “open home” before we moved overseas.  Maybe like you, our home was really our refuge and a place where we could relax and be alone.  Sure we had people at our home and did things, but not with the heart that I have now.  I really, really hope that when we move back to the states one day that we will carry with us this open home (food stocked) way of living.  This having your home open thing also lets others see what and how your family interacts and how you love one another.

#8 Bake and Share.  

You can figure this one out without me typing a book :).

#9 Let others know you are praying for them and their families.  

I try to constantly let my friends know that I am praying for them.  If they tell me something that seems to be worrying them, I try to take that opportunity to carry their burdens and pray for them.  Oh, and a side note on this one- when you have people over in your home, pray FOR THEM BY NAME.  Game changer right there.

#10 (finally right?) Stay steady in your time of reading the Bible.  

This really should be #1.  If we want to be on mission for God, we have to know God, and the more we know God, the more we love Him.  It’s a growing pattern, I think.  The more I know, the more I grow, the more I love God and others.  

LA and her family live in London, England. Actually, Wembley - think Wembley Stadium (Olympics).  The stadium is across the street from their apartment!  LA loves to bake sweets, run (really just so that she can eat more sweets), be with new friends, explore the city of London, and drink as many cappuccinos as possible.  To see what else LA and her family are up to, check out her blog at theharpersbazaar.blogspot.com.

The rain and ice didn't deter Southeastern women from fellowship and learning about Christ's abiding love!

In case you missed the event, or want to walk down "memory lane", enjoy the pictures below!

The night started out with setting up and preparing for the "fon" due event!

Women slowly began to trickle inside from the chilly, icy air.

After registering, women quickly began loading their plates with yummy treats to dip into the chocolate that was awaiting them on their tables.

Let the fun and messiness begin...

Catherine Blinson started the evening out with a fun game.

Gift cards were given to the winners...

After some gab and games had taken place, the women spent time worshiping Jesus' magnificent name.

After a wonderful time of fellowship and worship, Lauren McCall, a current student at Southeastern, spoke about Lifestyle Evangelism. 

Referring to the words of truth in John 15, Lauren gave practical tips in how to abide in Christ in a personal context as well as when sharing the gospel truths with those around us.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine dresser. 2 Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.3 Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. 7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. 9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. 10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. 11 These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants,for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. 17 These things I command you,so that you will love one another.

Until next time, may you abide in His great name!!!