I turned 43 this summer! 

In many ways I still feel 23 BUT the spattering of grey hairs and the fine wrinkles that are slowly appearing remind me that I AM getting older J  So why would I reveal my age in a public environment when it is something, as women, that we generally don’t speak of past the age of 30-something?  Revealing my age ties in with the purpose of this article – to show how we can be enslaved to different behaviors for large periods of our lives without realizing how long it has been or even at what initial age we began exhibiting the behavior. 

Ok, slow down, you might be thinking.  What in the world are you talking about?  I am talking about a subject that, I do believe, is a major issue in the lives of many women – eating disorders.

In the summer of 2010 – 3 years ago to date – God began an incredible work in my life which he completed this summer on Wednesday 31^st of July.  The journey began while I was teaching a Bible Study entitled Embracing the Uncluttered Life at the local church we were attending.  The third week was an in-depth look at the physical clutter in our lives, with specific emphasis on diet and exercise.  I commented to my husband during the week of preparation that I was expecting it to be the easiest of the sessions. I had been involved in competitive sport from the young age of 5 and always had an interest in diet and how it affects the human body in terms of health and strength.  Well, was I in for an awakening – it was the toughest session to prepare AND to teach because God revealed to me a very deep obsession with my physical appearance (specifically in the area of my weight) and an even deeper obsession with competition (in the area of sport) because of a deep-rooted insecurity to prove my worth as a person.   As I spent time searching His Word for material to teach the ladies, he brought to the surface an unwillingness on my part to admit that I had been enslaved to various forms of weight control – bingeing, purging, fat burners, and heavy strength training.  All of these things had given me a strong, slim body BUT had left me with an emptiness and heaviness within my spirit that He began to peel away.  It was an exhausting time, but, as He is faithful in finishing what He begins in our lives, it was also the beginning of a journey to freedom.

Jump with me to this summer.  Recently, God sovereignly acted in my life so that I “stumbled upon” Beth Moore’s Breaking Free Bible Study.  In this study, Beth asks the reader to identify any strongholds that need tearing down.  Needless to say, God showed me how dieting and body image had been in my life as a stronghold for over 20 years, and that it finally needed to be laid to rest. 

This is my journal entry from the day that I believe God finally set me free from the insecurities that led to a lifetime of mistreating my body through excessive exercise and eating disorders . . . 

“Father, I am not sure when I began overeating but I do remember the nickname that I was given as a child:  “FATS”.  I hated being called this.  It was and still is a derogatory remark that did nothing to encourage me or to allow me to see myself as beautiful.  It hurt me terribly.  Father, right now I want to offer up forgiveness to those who gave this name to me and I want to ask Your forgiveness for believing this lie.  This image of being fat has infiltrated my mind and been the root cause of so many struggles with my weight over the years.”

It is hard to admit that we have ANY form of eating disorder, for they come in various forms and disguises.  But my heart’s cry is that if you are reading this article and your heart is stirred because of it, that you will seriously ask God to show You if there is anything within your eating or exercise that could be seen as obsessive or destructive.  If He shows you anything that needs dealing with, don’t wait 20 years as I did.  Deal with it today and then believe His Word when he says,

“For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I know that full well.”  (Psalm 139:13-14)

And then remember, EXTERNAL beauty will fade with age but INTERNAL beauty remains forever!

1 Samuel 7:12

"Afterward, Samuel took a stone and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, explaining, 'The LORD has helped us to this point.'"

Ebenezer means "Stone of Help"

Throughout my life, I have been amazed to see how God has continued to change my heart, to shape my character, and to guide my life even AFTER I gave Him my life.  There are so many moments of growth, and each one becomes an Ebenezer that I can look back on to say, “Thus far has the Lord brought me.”

I became a Christian at a relatively young age.  When I was in the 8^th grade, I read the adult version of the “Left Behind” series by Tim Lahae and Jerry B. Jenkins.  I was alone in my room reading when I realized that I didn’t want to go to hell.  (For those of you who have read the books, I have no idea how a series that rarely mentions hell led me to the conclusion that I was bound for such a place.  I’m sure that the Spirit of the Lord used what I was reading as well as what I was hearing in church at the time to show me my need for a savior.)  It was clear to me that the only way to avoid hell was by allowing Jesus’ sacrifice to cover my sins, so I prayed right then and gave God my life.  Almost immediately, I headed down stairs to call a family meeting.  In my most serious tone, I announced to my parents and siblings, “Some things around here are going to be changing.  I just became a Christian!” Thus far had the Lord brought me.

In all honesty, I had no idea at that moment what I really meant; I just knew that something was different.  Yet God knew my heart that day so much more than I did.  Over the next two years, outside appearances might have led some to believe that I had not really become a Christian that day.  But I have no doubt in my mind that God took me at my word when I said, “I am yours,” and I became His child with that simple prayer of surrender.  I hung out with a group of kids who were into hard drugs, cut themselves, hated their parents, and hung out at the skating rink every Friday night, but God kept me from becoming too immersed in that culture.  By His grace, I continued to attend church and eventually realized that I didn’t hate my parents and that none of my friends were as happy as we all said we were.  I began to sit with a different crowd at lunch, and the spring of my sophomore year I attended the Georgia Christian Youth Convention in Myrtle Beach, SC.  It had been two years since I became a Christian, but at that conference I realized for the first time that God LOVED me.  Though I had accepted His forgiveness and trusted His power to overcome my sin, I had not understood that He chose to save me out of LOVE.  The revelation of God’s love opened new doors in my relationship with Him as I continued to grow.  Thus far had the Lord brought me. 

Despite the fact that I was operating out of obligation rather than love for the first two years of my walk with Christ, there has never been a separation in my mind between my salvation and my service to the Lord.  From the day I first gave my life to Him (in 8^th grade so that I wouldn’t have to go to hell), I knew that it meant that my life would be spent in service to Him.  As I headed for college, I began to sort through what a life of service would look like.  I handed over to God a love of theater and discovered a love for languages.  I became an international business major thinking that it would allow me to learn more languages (it didn’t) and be a wonderful platform for mission work in closed countries.

However, God proved once again that He knows me better than I do when He showed me that my heart for mission work was not nearly as philanthropic as I believed.  Spring semester of my second year at the University of South Carolina, I studied abroad in Spain.  The trip was not quite what I had hoped it would be, and I returned saying, “If God says Spain, I say no!”  I spent the next three years living with fears that I had developed while overseas, including the fear that God would make me go to Spain simply because it was a hard place.  I had once again forgotten that God loved me, and I was certain that He sent His followers to the most difficult places to test and refine them.  Yet He was still at work in my life! 

My three years spent living in fear were one of the most intense times of struggle that I had yet faced. While I trusted God's ability and power, I had again forgotten His mercy and love. As a result, I found myself feeling trapped in my relationship with Him; He was the only one with the power to save, so I HAD to trust Him for salvation, but I had begun to wonder why there was no other option and to be angry that He was my only way to truly have a good/successful/happy life. Sometimes, I found myself enormously frustrated, thinking, “Of course I want to have the best possible life! But You never really gave me a choice about how to go about it!  A real choice would let me have my best life without God!” I was the pot saying to the potter "Why did you make me like this?" (Rom 9:20). "What if I didn't want You? What if I wanted my best life on my own?" I was finally able to vocalize all of this to Him one morning in a discipleship program called GoDisciple that my church hosts, and I realized that this desire was the root of my deepest struggles. Thus far had the Lord brought me.

In His grace, God did not turn me over to the desires of my heart at the moment when I was screaming, “I want something different.”  He has always known my true desires better than I ever could. Instead, through prayer and my time in the Word and with other believers, I realized yet again that I had lost track of the nature of God's love.  I spent time on my face before Him seeking to understand His love more deeply.  I studied God's character and what a life of surrender really meant.  And He showed me mercy and allowed my heart to grow in love for Him.  He restored me to Himself. Thus far had the Lord brought me.

As I had been running from Spain and international missions, I still knew that I would be serving God with my life, so I began to look for a new area of passion.  I had worked with children for as long as I could remember, and I spent some time working in the children’s ministry at my church to see if children’s ministry might be a fit for me.  Through that experience, I ended up in seminary pursuing a degree in Christian education.  It was while in seminary that I participated in GoDisciple and was confronted with my rebellious, prideful heart and God’s good, loving character once again.  Every step in my life has served to bring me closer to Him.  We still have a long way to go together, and even in my current season as an engaged seminary graduate with two part-time jobs that I love, He has continued to refine my heart.  Thus far has the Lord brought me, and I can’t wait to see where else we go.

Here I raise mine Ebenezer;

Hither by Thine help I’m come.

And I hope by Thy good pleasure

Safely to arrive at home!

Megan is a recent graduate of Southeastern Seminary with a Master of Arts in Christian Education.  She is spending this summer preparing to marry a truly wonderful man and working in the Women’s Life Office and as an assistant editor for Treasuring Christ Curriculum.  She is thrilled that her South Carolina Gamecocks are in the College World Series and hopes that they will win it for the third straight year.

 

This August I celebrate 20 years of marriage. In those 20 years, I became a mother of two children (Rachel (17) & Jacob (almost 16) and I spent three years as a  youth minister's wife,  four years as a  pastor's wife, eight years as a missionary (did you notice I didn't say a missionaries wife)?! and I have spent the last four years in Raleigh, where I am currently a PhD student/Director of the Center for Great Commission Studies'/Associate Pastor of New Covenant Fellowship Church's wife as well as a mentor for college/seminary student's as well as seminary wives, and guest lecturer for the course Preparing for Missions for the Biblical Women's Institute Program. Had someone approached me even 25 years ago with this picture for my life I would have not believed them.

For you see, I was raised in a divorced home and my mom and step father did not come to Christ until I was in college. As a young child I was only brought to church periodically; mostly for Easter and Christmas services. My grandmother was a committed member of her Catholic church but when I attended the services they were still taught in Latin so I didn't understand anything that was being said or done.

However, when I was nine years old a neighbor began to take me to church, and I accepted Christ as my Savior during a Vacation Bible School service. My mom was happy for me and bought me a Bible but didn't not feel comfortable allowing me to follow through with baptism, and was not prepared to help me grow in my new faith. Unfortunately, shortly after my decision my family moved to another city and I spent the next six to seven years without a church or someone to disciple me as well as making several other moves that had me attending three different middle schools and three different high schools.

Throughout those years I had a sense of the sin in my life and carried a lot of guilt with me simply because I didn't have an understanding of living in obedience to God's Word.  During this time I made some poor choices and tough lessons of life were learned. While I was in my early years of college my younger sister was saved and invited my mom and step dad to church where they both accepted Christ. At this point I had filled all of my time with college and work and didn't make church a priority. As I finished up my Associates Degree at a Junior College I began to think about what college I would transfer to in order to finish my Bachelors Degree. At the time my mom was a secretary at a church and growing as a new believer and she knew many people associated with the University of Mobile (a small Baptist College in Mobile, Al.). I decided to attend this college and it was there that God began to do a tremendous work in my heart and life.

For the first time in my life I was able to see with my eyes the transformation that is made when one accepts Christ as their Savior and allows Him to truly change their life. I took courses where I was able to study the scriptures and learn about the life of Christ for the first time. Before this time I had only known that I was a filthy sinner in need of a Savior. After this time, I was aware of my responsibility to deny myself daily and follow after Him.

I began attending church with my family and that is where I met my husband. I knew when I married him that our life together would be spent in ministry but never imagined all the things and places that commitment has taken us. You see, we both learned that following Christ is a daily surrender to what He wants for our lives and not necessarily one particular job that you spend years preparing for. It has been a joy to serve Him together and to see all the opportunities He has given us to lead others to that same sweet salvation we call our own.

Lesley is married to Scott, and they have two children, Rachel and Jacob.  Scott Hildreth is is currently serving as the Director of the Center for Great Commission Studies at Southeastern and working on his PhD in Theology.  Lesley teaches Preparing for Missions each Fall for the Biblical Women's Institute. In her spare time she loves spend time with people, read and be outdoors.  Lesley has a strong heart for the nations  and desires to see people come to Christ.