Megan Roseen shares her story

1 Samuel 7:12

"Afterward, Samuel took a stone and set it upright between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, explaining, 'The LORD has helped us to this point.'"

Ebenezer means "Stone of Help"

Throughout my life, I have been amazed to see how God has continued to change my heart, to shape my character, and to guide my life even AFTER I gave Him my life.  There are so many moments of growth, and each one becomes an Ebenezer that I can look back on to say, “Thus far has the Lord brought me.”

I became a Christian at a relatively young age.  When I was in the 8^th grade, I read the adult version of the “Left Behind” series by Tim Lahae and Jerry B. Jenkins.  I was alone in my room reading when I realized that I didn’t want to go to hell.  (For those of you who have read the books, I have no idea how a series that rarely mentions hell led me to the conclusion that I was bound for such a place.  I’m sure that the Spirit of the Lord used what I was reading as well as what I was hearing in church at the time to show me my need for a savior.)  It was clear to me that the only way to avoid hell was by allowing Jesus’ sacrifice to cover my sins, so I prayed right then and gave God my life.  Almost immediately, I headed down stairs to call a family meeting.  In my most serious tone, I announced to my parents and siblings, “Some things around here are going to be changing.  I just became a Christian!” Thus far had the Lord brought me.

In all honesty, I had no idea at that moment what I really meant; I just knew that something was different.  Yet God knew my heart that day so much more than I did.  Over the next two years, outside appearances might have led some to believe that I had not really become a Christian that day.  But I have no doubt in my mind that God took me at my word when I said, “I am yours,” and I became His child with that simple prayer of surrender.  I hung out with a group of kids who were into hard drugs, cut themselves, hated their parents, and hung out at the skating rink every Friday night, but God kept me from becoming too immersed in that culture.  By His grace, I continued to attend church and eventually realized that I didn’t hate my parents and that none of my friends were as happy as we all said we were.  I began to sit with a different crowd at lunch, and the spring of my sophomore year I attended the Georgia Christian Youth Convention in Myrtle Beach, SC.  It had been two years since I became a Christian, but at that conference I realized for the first time that God LOVED me.  Though I had accepted His forgiveness and trusted His power to overcome my sin, I had not understood that He chose to save me out of LOVE.  The revelation of God’s love opened new doors in my relationship with Him as I continued to grow.  Thus far had the Lord brought me. 

Despite the fact that I was operating out of obligation rather than love for the first two years of my walk with Christ, there has never been a separation in my mind between my salvation and my service to the Lord.  From the day I first gave my life to Him (in 8^th grade so that I wouldn’t have to go to hell), I knew that it meant that my life would be spent in service to Him.  As I headed for college, I began to sort through what a life of service would look like.  I handed over to God a love of theater and discovered a love for languages.  I became an international business major thinking that it would allow me to learn more languages (it didn’t) and be a wonderful platform for mission work in closed countries.

However, God proved once again that He knows me better than I do when He showed me that my heart for mission work was not nearly as philanthropic as I believed.  Spring semester of my second year at the University of South Carolina, I studied abroad in Spain.  The trip was not quite what I had hoped it would be, and I returned saying, “If God says Spain, I say no!”  I spent the next three years living with fears that I had developed while overseas, including the fear that God would make me go to Spain simply because it was a hard place.  I had once again forgotten that God loved me, and I was certain that He sent His followers to the most difficult places to test and refine them.  Yet He was still at work in my life! 

My three years spent living in fear were one of the most intense times of struggle that I had yet faced. While I trusted God's ability and power, I had again forgotten His mercy and love. As a result, I found myself feeling trapped in my relationship with Him; He was the only one with the power to save, so I HAD to trust Him for salvation, but I had begun to wonder why there was no other option and to be angry that He was my only way to truly have a good/successful/happy life. Sometimes, I found myself enormously frustrated, thinking, “Of course I want to have the best possible life! But You never really gave me a choice about how to go about it!  A real choice would let me have my best life without God!” I was the pot saying to the potter "Why did you make me like this?" (Rom 9:20). "What if I didn't want You? What if I wanted my best life on my own?" I was finally able to vocalize all of this to Him one morning in a discipleship program called GoDisciple that my church hosts, and I realized that this desire was the root of my deepest struggles. Thus far had the Lord brought me.

In His grace, God did not turn me over to the desires of my heart at the moment when I was screaming, “I want something different.”  He has always known my true desires better than I ever could. Instead, through prayer and my time in the Word and with other believers, I realized yet again that I had lost track of the nature of God's love.  I spent time on my face before Him seeking to understand His love more deeply.  I studied God's character and what a life of surrender really meant.  And He showed me mercy and allowed my heart to grow in love for Him.  He restored me to Himself. Thus far had the Lord brought me.

As I had been running from Spain and international missions, I still knew that I would be serving God with my life, so I began to look for a new area of passion.  I had worked with children for as long as I could remember, and I spent some time working in the children’s ministry at my church to see if children’s ministry might be a fit for me.  Through that experience, I ended up in seminary pursuing a degree in Christian education.  It was while in seminary that I participated in GoDisciple and was confronted with my rebellious, prideful heart and God’s good, loving character once again.  Every step in my life has served to bring me closer to Him.  We still have a long way to go together, and even in my current season as an engaged seminary graduate with two part-time jobs that I love, He has continued to refine my heart.  Thus far has the Lord brought me, and I can’t wait to see where else we go.

Here I raise mine Ebenezer;

Hither by Thine help I’m come.

And I hope by Thy good pleasure

Safely to arrive at home!

Megan is a recent graduate of Southeastern Seminary with a Master of Arts in Christian Education.  She is spending this summer preparing to marry a truly wonderful man and working in the Women’s Life Office and as an assistant editor for Treasuring Christ Curriculum.  She is thrilled that her South Carolina Gamecocks are in the College World Series and hopes that they will win it for the third straight year.