How to Not Die of Loneliness During the Holidays When You Can’t Go Home

Sometimes the hardest part of the holidays is the fact that you live eight hours away from family and can’t afford to go home.

I didn’t quite know how much I’d struggle my first year away from Florida. Sure, I had lived away from home during college, a whole one hour and forty-five minutes away, but moving to Wake Forest was my first time living in a different state than my family and childhood friends for an extended amount of time. Through my time here, God has shown me more than I ever expected (or, at times, wanted!). Here’s a few ways I’ve learned to enjoy different kinds of holiday seasons through my fair share of moping, crying, and making do. Maybe you’ll start to see the fun and adventure constrained circumstances can actually afford during the holidays!

1. Build a Community Where You Are

Make new friends. When my parents and I first unloaded a U-Haul of furniture, clothes, books, and whatever else I deemed necessary to life here in Wake Forest, I knew absolutely no one.

No contacts. No friends. Nada. So I know how awkward and exhausting it can be to make new friends in a place where you have zero history.
 I felt like I couldn’t be frustrated or have a bad day. New people wouldn’t know that I wasn’t being normal Lindsey, but grouchy Lindsey, or really, really, tired Lindsey, or hangry (so hungry you angry!) Lindsey. What if people thought that’s how I acted all the time?

The crazy thing that I had to learn is that if you want a history with someone, be it a friend or mentor or church, you have to build it. And building a history takes time and effort, so don’t give up or expect too much too soon. Pray that God would provide a solid, biblical church where you fit in—you’ll need people from all walks of life beside you—and other women to walk alongside. Then go out and make friends. Go to your church’s events. Talk to people. Invite them to coffee or over for a movie. And most importantly, learn to listen. Ask others about themselves and be genuinely interested in what they have to say.

If you want to be here, really be here, then you have to build a community. Otherwise, all you’ll do is think about home, call friends every chance you get, and be so lonely here you won’t want to stay.

P.S.—Trust me, it gets easier. You’ll make friends, good friends you wouldn’t trade for anything. You’ll grow (more than you thought possible), and you’ll see God provide for you in ways you didn’t know you’d need.

Invite others in. Once you have your people, your new friends, always continue inviting others in.

I know, you might get jealous or worry maybe your friend will like them and ditch  you—you get all, you know, defense-mode. I’ve had other girls act that way towards me when I was apparently getting too close to their friend, and I’ve acted that way before, too. But don’t be like that. Not only does it make you look both immature and insecure, it also doesn’t reflect the biblical picture of community we see in scripture.

Be hospitable—genuinely welcome others into your life.

(And, no, this does not mean you have to be BFFs with every person out there. But you do need to be friendly and show them the same love that has been shown to you.)

2. Start Your Own Traditions

Decorate! Maybe this is obvious, but if you’re not going home for a holiday or only get to go home for a few days, decorate your apartment! Hit the Goodwill or local thrift shops around town and find a few decorations to help your apartment feel festive. Make your little home warm and inviting, even if only for yourself and roommates. Y’all know Pinterest has all sorts of fun, inexpensive ideas to decorate: don’t just pin ‘em, make ‘em! And if you have extras you don’t want or won’t use, pass them on to others.

Celebrate! You’re in a new place with new people—how exciting! Start your own new traditions! This could either mean incorporating your family’s traditions, like a favorite movie while cooking together or decorating with your new friends (while also letting them introduce you to their special family traditions), or it could mean starting something completely new altogether. Google local events going on in the area, and then go explore! Find a swanky little coffee shop you’ve never been to and enjoy a cup of Pumpkin Latte or Peppermint Mocha together. Have a picnic of cocoa and treats in the park. The possibilities here are just about as endless as your own creativity. Get out and do something!

3. Keep Perspective 

As amazing and unbelievable as this might seem, whatever your life looks like this holiday season, well, it probably won’t look the same come this time next year.  Maybe you or a friend will move to another city or a different apartment. Maybe you’ll get married or have a baby. Or maybe you (or your husband) will graduate and find ministry work elsewhere. You never know what this upcoming year might hold. So don’t take what you have here, right now, for granted. As Trace Adkins once sang, “You’re gonna miss this”: the ridiculously small apartment, the even smaller budget, and the community of other seminarians (just as poor and cramped as you!) just trying to be faithful and prepare well while living their lives together one ordinary day at a time. You only get so many Easters, Thanksgivings and Christmases here—don’t waste a single one! Your God is sovereign and aware of where you are. Be where He has you, even if it’s not where He’s going to keep you.

Lindsey Pope is a 2011 graduate of the University of Florida (Go Gators!) and is currently pursuing her M.Div in Christian Ministry. At the age of sixteen, she was called into Christian ministry; that same year she met two women, one in her twenties and the other in her forties, both pursuing their M.Divs. It was then that she first started dreaming of seminary.

Are you preparing to serve overseas with the International Mission Board?

Do you still need to fulfill your education requirements?

We have a program designed just for you!

At $25 a class, you can’t pass up this opportunity! 

Please look at the information below and email us at womenslife@sebts.edu if you have any questions.

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Announcing a new International Missions program 

through the 

Biblical Women’s Institute

The BWI now offers a Certificate in 

Women’s Studies 

with International Missions.

If you have a heart for missions and plan on serving over-seas this program is built specifically for you. The program can be completed in 2-3 years. The program meets the IMB requirements for spouses.

Course Requirements

2 courses – Old Testament Survey 1 & 2

2 courses – New Testament Survey 1 & 2

2 courses – Biblical or Systematic Theology

      WST0130 Christian Doctrine

      WST0250 Biblical Theology of Womanhood

2 courses – Elective courses

     BWI offers several elective courses that will benefit women who are preparing to go overseas. For example, 

     courses such as Preparing for Missions, Introduction to Missions, Church Planting I and/or II, Women and 

     Evangelism, Spiritual Disciplines, Counseling Women, and Biblical Foundations for the Minister’s Wife.

For more information, please contact the Women’s Life Office 

(919) 761-2340 

womenslife@sebts.edu 

www.sebts.edu

Over the Pond… Where Mission Work Took Place in My Heart!

My heart was broken by the words Matthew spoke at the 9marks Conference: “It is more likely for a Scottish person to know a Muslim than a Christian.” How could this be? If Scottish people don’t know any Christians, how will they ever hear the good news of the gospel or even want to hear it when it is presented?  These are the exact thoughts of the 20Schemes founders. 20Schemes is a one-year-old Christian Church Planting Organization that is trying to plant 10 churches in 20 years in the schemes of Scotland. Schemes are a European name for government housing, though these communities are like mini cities within a city, with 10,000 plus people living in each scheme. Because of the governmental system, most people do not work and therefore spend all day doing…well… really whatever they want. Children go to school but only have to attend until they are 16. Then, because they are able to live on the system, most never aspire to attend college or university.

With demographics as the ones listed above, it is no wonder most people living in the schemes are single moms with drug and addiction problems with abuse running rampant, whether child abuse or relational abuse. 20 Schemes has recognized that if they can plant churches in the middle of these schemes, where they provide a coffee shop or other form of public service in the church, they can reach the people relationally.

This idea presented by Matthew at the conference caught my attention, and I was hooked: I wanted to see what God was up to in the schemes of Scotland, so I signed up to join the Scotland mission team that traveled over Spring break of 2014.

When I arrived in Scotland, I was pleasantly surprised by the “warm” weather and the lack of rain. I was also surprised by the agenda of the trip. Though we had arrived thinking we were doing mission work, the trip ended up being much more of a vision trip to hear about the purpose and mission of 20Schemes. When I first realized this, I must admit I was discouraged, as I had hoped to get to know native Scottish people and share the gospel with them. God used this trip, though, in a completely different way than I expected. God changed my view of a mission trip and redirected my thinking to remaining missional minded. He pressed me to learn how to be a better missionary in the context I am presently living by observing other believers in their everyday lives.

The team worked with a church in the Nidre Scheme, in Edinburgh, Scotland. We got to meet the church leaders and also many of the native interns that are doing ministry through the church. As I talked with the members of the church, I realized that their entire method of integrating people into the church is through discipleship. In all actuality, they really don’t invite people to church until they have shared the gospel with them and formed a deep-rooted relationship with them. This is such a different way to go about evangelizing, as compared to our “American way”. Discipleship is the key thing in the church. When a person becomes a Christian, they are immediately paired with an “older” person in the church to be discipled weekly. They are to be taught the gospel truths and held accountable in every area of their lives. Because of this, people immediately feel a sense of community and are instantly held accountable for their decision to become a Christian. This was absolutely beautiful to me.

My heart is to disciple women. Having the Women’s Ministry pastor in Scotland ask me what I was doing weekly to disciple girls was humbling. When she asked if I discipled anyone, I answered “yes.” When she pushed me as to what that looked like, she quickly clarified that she didn’t want a “tea and biscuits” answer. As Christians, we can get tea and biscuits (or Starbucks) with anyone anytime. Discipleship should be a spiritually older woman coming alongside a spiritually younger woman teaching her the Bible and asking her the hard questions. Yes, this can be done over tea, but the content of the conversation shouldn’t be trivial things; it must be godly things. If this isn’t happening, it isn’t truly biblical discipleship.

As the week progressed, we visited many sights included Sterling Castle in Glasgow, Edinburgh Castle in Edinburgh, as well as various places throughout Edinburgh. We even ventured out and tried Haggis (yes, sheep intestines- That will be the one and only time I do that). We stayed at a seminary in Edinburgh where we met students studying from various parts of Europe. Where we have 4,000 enrolled in our seminary, they have about 20 enrolled. This is the stark contrast between Europe and America- one more example of the lostness of Scotland. The team of 12 grew close quickly, and there was never a dull moment with Dr. Eccher leading our team. It was amazing seeing each person on the team come alongside their team members to love and encourage each other, even though most of us had only met one time before.

There are so many things I could tell you about the trip, but I would like to leave you with these thoughts. Though the trip was not a mission trip in the sense I was expecting, we were able to encourage our brothers and sisters in a way they rarely ever receive. We visited two pastors in Glasgow, Pete and Pete (we jokingly called them “Pete and re-Pete”).  While there we were able to go into the high school and meet students as well as meet with teachers in a primary school and talk to them about the gospel. I absolutely loved this more “mission geared” day, but I realized that the people who received the most missional love and support were Pete and Pete. Our brothers and sisters in Scotland are lonely and tired and worn down. They find their strength in the Lord, but there is power in the body of Christ- the joy they expressed because we visited them was humbling; it proved the urgency we need to have, as the body, in not only reaching the lost but supporting out fellow brothers and sisters.

As I come back from my trip to Scotland, I am not only encouraged to rethink my goals as I disciple younger women, but I am challenged to push hard to loving my brothers and sisters where I am at as well as from afar. As I think of the many missionaries overseas (or stateside), I am struck with how little I do to love them from America. A simple card through snail mail or email would not take much time at all, and it would mean the world to my Christian family that doesn't have much family and support close by.

I challenge you, as women of Southeastern: Don’t wait another day to love your spiritual family. Don’t take for granted the incredible gift we have here at Southeastern where we are “surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses.” And don’t stop teaching the truth, searching and spurring on new believers to think about the tough questions. Challenge those you are discipling and be intentional in the way you teach, reproof, correct, and train (2 Timothy 3:16) those whom God has placed in your life. Finally, look at every experience as a missional experience. Whether you are personally serving or observing others as they serve, let God teach you more about His character and how He wants you to actively participate in the mission He has called his children to live out.

Catie Thomas is a student at Southeastern working towards her Masters of Divinity in International Church Planting. She is also currently the Administrative Assistant in the Women's Life office. She has a heart for women and is humbled that God allows her to share His truth with them, whether that means mourning with them as they mourn or rejoicing with them as they rejoice. She looks forward to the future as she continues on this journey with the Lord but joyfully rests in the place where God has her here at Southeastern.

We hope to see you on Monday night for the first Connecting Point event of 2014! 

*If you will need childcare, don't forget to contact the Women's Life Office at 919-761-2340 by 4pm on Friday, January 31.*

Our second Connecting Point event of the year was this Monday, and if you missed it, you missed a wonderfully sweet time!

As the evening started, ladies mingled and enjoyed goodies provided by Las Margaritas Mexican Restaurant, Charlie's Kabob, and the incredible ladies of the Southeastern Women's Club.

We then had a chance to hear from three Southeastern ladies who have recently spent time around the US and the world on mission trips.They shared what God taught them and reminded us why missional living is so important. After they spoke, we spent some time worshiping the Lord together, led by Heather Lawrence..

 Then we had the opportunity to hear from Michelle Horton, a Southeastern graduate and church planter in Washington, D.C. As Leslie asked her questions about life as a church planter, we learned some of the challenges that married and single ladies may face as they take the Word of God to the lost.

Finally, we spent some time writing notes of encouragement to church planters and missionaries around the country and the globe. After all, Michelle's encouraging presentation reminded us all just how important those encouraging messages are to Christian workers.

The letters are in the mail, and we will continue to pray for our sisters as they share the love of Christ with a lost world!

Join us at our next event on November 2nd. 

The Craft and Bake Sale will take place in the Ledford Center Gym from 9am-3pm. 

See you there!  

About Me

Hi there! My name is Lacy Fairchild, and I am in my third semester here at Southeastern where I am pursuing a Master of Arts in Intercultural Studies. I attend Bay Leaf Baptist Church in Raleigh, and I am so thankful the Lord has placed me there.

What made you choose this degree?

When I first came to Southeastern, I was going to study Missiology. However, after spending some time in prayer, I decided to switch to Intercultural Studies.  I chose this degree because of a mission trip to Turkey that I went on when I was a sophomore in college.  It was after that mission trip that I felt like God was revealing to me the call of missions on my life.  After going to Turkey, I served a summer in South Africa and I was able to serve in China with Bay Leaf this past summer.  I want to share the love of Christ with the nations.

How do you want to use this degree when you finish?

When I finish this degree, I hope to go overseas (in God's timing, of course!). My undergraduate degree is in Fitness and Wellness. Therefore, I want to work in countries where they suffer from malnutrition because of the poverty levels. Most of all, I just want to love on the people and share His Word and love with them.

How have some of the courses that you have taken benefited you already?

I have benefited from taking a lot of mission classes already, because the professors of those classes have been such an encouragement.  In each class that I have had the opportunity to attend, I have been able to see my professors’ passion for how we need to go and reach the nations.  Currently, I am taking an Evangelism course, and it has been teaching me how to get out of my comfort zone in sharing the Gospel with people around me.  This is helping prepare me for going overseas to share about the love of Christ.

Is there any advice you would give to students who are thinking of pursing this degree?

I would give the same advice to students who are thinking about pursuing any degree: set aside some time to have a quiet time with the Lord.  That is one thing that has truly helped get me through each day.  Also, get involved in a local church where you can be around a community of believers who build you up and encourage you. 

"And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, “Here I am! Send me." - Isaiah 6:8 

We're nearing the end of the summer, and SEBTS ladies have been serving the Lord in so many ways! Today's post from Kim Humphrey tells about her travels to Montana with her husband Jay to work with cowboys. Read her encouraging post for more details!

Where will you be and what are your plans for the summer?

After 33 years, this is a summer of firsts for Jay and me!  We took our first mission trip together!  Spending most of our summer either in Wake Forest or the beach, we are most excited about the opportunity we were given to go on a mission trip to Montana.

Who will you be with?

We were blessed to be a part of a wonderful missions-minded church several years ago and were asked to join them on this trip.  Wake Cross Roads Baptist Church in Raleigh truly lives out missions both locally and internationally, and when the invite came, the Lord completely opened the door for us to say yes!

                        What will you be doing?

Prior to moving to Wake Forest for Jay to attend SEBTS in 2004, he and I raised livestock as a career – we were hog farmers in southeastern North Carolina for 23 years.  When we were contacted about the trip we were told it would be more servant/labor evangelism than anything.  We would be working the rodeo in Livingston, Montana with a local church plant there.  Working a rodeo . . . in Montana . . . representing Jesus by serving the locals and cowboys . . . ABSOLUTELY we were in!

How did you serve?

As we began to learn more about the trip, we became more excited!  We clearly saw God orchestrate the finances for us to go.  Our mission was to assist the church in Livingston during the rodeo week of July 1-5 with our physical labor.  For 5 mornings-beginning at 6:30-we prepared to clean the rodeo grounds and grandstand with trash pick-up as well as clean the bathrooms and port potties – not glamorous.  But all that my mind kept processing was how my Jesus served the lowly daily; saying a kind word, comforting the broken-hearted, washing dirty feet, and dying on a cross.  Serving is put in a whole new perspective when done through the eyes of Jesus; “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31)

Every afternoon and evening, we cooked and served the cowboys and families a full course meal .  This was the hospitality that I definitely enjoy!  When they found out we had traveled from North Carolina just to serve them with the local church they always asked “Why?”  That opened the door to share a bit about Jesus, but also to show Christian love simply by our actions to them – all at no cost to them, freely fed “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19) . . . just as salvation is given to us.  Servant evangelism is hard work, and it took me a week to recover, but it was worth every moment given! 

What were you most looking forward to?

To be perfectly honest, the part I was most excited about was serving with Jay in a place he has dreamed of going in a setting he is made for and loves.  When we returned, I was most excited by how God put this team together, the evidence of Christ seen and shown daily through hard work, and the hope and prayers that we could share with the cowboys and families as they risk their lives daily in a career that is truly designed for young men – living life on the edge of glory.  May I live for Christ on the edge of His glory! “The horse is prepared for the day of battle, but victory belongs to the Lord.” (Proverbs 21:31)

For 2 years, 3 months and 9 days I have been an alien.

A legal alien, but an alien none the less.  At least, that's the local word that's used to refer to foreigners here, and, let me tell you, given some of the looks I get, I often feel like I really am from Mars.  Granted, most of those looks are totally deserved.  I'm a blonde haired, blue eyed girl in a sea of Asians.  I DEFINITELY speak with an American accent.  I wear sandals in April.  And I have been known to take my baby out in 75 degree weather without a snow-suit.  Gasp!

I knew before we came here that I was going to have to learn really fast how to laugh at things and let them roll off my shoulders.  And most of the things I look back and laugh about now have to do with my inability to speak.  I sound like a 2 year old, for sure.

Picture from http://www.sxc.hu/photo/457578

But, how could you not make mistakes when words sound so similar.  Like the word for bread and man: just one small difference. Ekmek…. Erkek…. they just sound so similar!  What new language learner wouldn't walk into a bakery and ask for a fresh man, please?  

Or when someone is talking so fast you can't understand them, why not just default to the easy words, like "yes" or "ok."  That's what I do.  And I end up leaving the electronics store with two distinct curly cues in my stick straight hair because I unknowingly agreed to be the guinea pig for the new curling iron they're trying to sell.  Or, with the same "yes" and "ok" responses, end up getting my makeup done at the pharmacy right after working out when all I needed was medicine for the baby.  

Then there's the pazar.  There are people everywhere and all I want to do is navigate my big, foreigner stroller through the sea of people and get home with my fruits and veggies while the boy is still happy.  So, when some sweet lady tells me my son is eating his shoe, I just smile and say, "Thank you" and realize 5 minutes later what she was telling me.

Picture from http://www.sxc.hu/photo/646119

Yep, this is my life.  Maybe one day I'll be able to communicate effectively here.  But until then, at least I get to laugh a lot!

This week is Global Missions Week here at SEBTS, and we wanted to focus on global missions on the blog as well!  Today you have the privilege to hear from Lesley Hildreth.  Lesley has much experience overseas, and uses her experience and wisdom to teach and encourage the ladies here at SEBTS.  Read her post below to learn a little more about what wives go through while serving overseas, and take a moment to pray for our families serving overseas.

After leaving the mission field over six years ago one of my greatest desires has been to equip other women who are preparing to go. As a guest lecturer for Southeastern's Biblical Women's Institute's degree program I have taught a course called Preparing For Missions for the past five years. It has been both an honor and privilege to encourage, equip, and pray for these women. Once the students are overseas they are required to meet in a central location in order to take two classes to fulfill their International Church Planting Degree. While the students are in class Southeastern provides a program for their wives and childcare is provided by volunteers from local churches in the states. I have been fortunate to be able to travel and spend time with these women and always walk away with new insights and ways to pray more specifically for their needs. After my most recent trip to Taiwan this past January I thought that it would be helpful to others to know how to pray more effectively and specifically for these wives serving overseas. If one has not personally spent time overseas it can be difficult to not only understand the needs of those serving the nations but to know what to pray.

Here are some common issues these wives are facing daily and a little bit of insight into what that could mean for some of them. I hope you will find this both informative and helpful as you encourage and bless these women and others serving the nations.

LANGUAGE LEARNING/BALANCING ROLES:

The first year or two on the field is spent learning another language. Most of our wives are not only full time language students learning very difficult languages but are also mothers seeking to balance their many roles without feeling like they are failing at one or more in order to succeed at another. Without language a person can not function in society or engage with people. This will eventually lead to discontentment and more importantly the missionary is unable to accomplish the very thing they went for: to share the gospel message to those who have not heard.

*Some verses to consider praying for them: Phil. 4:11, Eph. 5:21-6:4, and Psalm 23)

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. Phil. 4:11

HEALTH ISSUES:

Health issues are sometimes brought on by stress, caused by the new environment (food or new germs), or illnesses that are not related to anything new but are simply a normal part of life. In each case these issues create anxiety and fear as missionaries seek to just feel well/normal again. For moms with young children who experience a lot of sickness in the first year or two or develop a new health issue while on the field can bring a tremendous amount of stress on a family. In some areas that the wives are serving going to a doctor who speaks and/or understands English is not an option. In some areas the medical care available is not adequate and families may need to travel long distances for care or even consider relocating for prolonged care. This can be a very scary time for some and many battle with fear and the unknown.

(Some verses to consider praying for them: Phil. 4:6, Matthew 6:25-34, Heb. 4:16, Psalm 34:19)

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16

SPIRITUAL WARFARE:

Most Americans do not recognize and/or do not experience spiritual warfare. Many families find themselves dealing with spiritual warfare issues and have no idea how to deal with or handle them when they occur. Many of our families have shared that their children have experienced reoccurring nightmares since moving overseas.

(Some verses to consider when praying for them: Eph 6;10-20, Rom. 8:28, 2 Thes. 3:1-2)

Finally, brothers,pray for us, that the word of the Lord may speed ahead and be honored, as happened among you, 2 and that we may be delivered from wicked and evil men. For not all have faith. 2 Thes. 3:1-2

These are just a few areas that you can pray for these women. Even though these women are dealing with issues you may not be able to relate to or fully understand we can ALL relate to the need to have a sister in Christ take our needs before the Lord in prayer.

Lesley Hildreth has been married to Scott for the past 20 years and has two children: Rachel, 18 and Jacob, 16. Their family served overseas in Berlin, Germany and Istanbul, Turkey with the IMB for eight years. Currently Scott is the Director of the Center for Great Commission Studies at Southeastern and Lesley is a guest lecturer for the Biblical Women's Institute as well as the Community Service Coordinator for Broughton High School. Lesley currently serves as The President for Southeastern's Women's Club and Faculty Advisor for the Connecting Point Team as well as serving as a mentor for female students or student wives on campus.