How to Not Die of Loneliness During the Holidays When You Can’t Go Home

Sometimes the hardest part of the holidays is the fact that you live eight hours away from family and can’t afford to go home.

I didn’t quite know how much I’d struggle my first year away from Florida. Sure, I had lived away from home during college, a whole one hour and forty-five minutes away, but moving to Wake Forest was my first time living in a different state than my family and childhood friends for an extended amount of time. Through my time here, God has shown me more than I ever expected (or, at times, wanted!). Here’s a few ways I’ve learned to enjoy different kinds of holiday seasons through my fair share of moping, crying, and making do. Maybe you’ll start to see the fun and adventure constrained circumstances can actually afford during the holidays!

1. Build a Community Where You Are

Make new friends. When my parents and I first unloaded a U-Haul of furniture, clothes, books, and whatever else I deemed necessary to life here in Wake Forest, I knew absolutely no one.

No contacts. No friends. Nada. So I know how awkward and exhausting it can be to make new friends in a place where you have zero history.
 I felt like I couldn’t be frustrated or have a bad day. New people wouldn’t know that I wasn’t being normal Lindsey, but grouchy Lindsey, or really, really, tired Lindsey, or hangry (so hungry you angry!) Lindsey. What if people thought that’s how I acted all the time?

The crazy thing that I had to learn is that if you want a history with someone, be it a friend or mentor or church, you have to build it. And building a history takes time and effort, so don’t give up or expect too much too soon. Pray that God would provide a solid, biblical church where you fit in—you’ll need people from all walks of life beside you—and other women to walk alongside. Then go out and make friends. Go to your church’s events. Talk to people. Invite them to coffee or over for a movie. And most importantly, learn to listen. Ask others about themselves and be genuinely interested in what they have to say.

If you want to be here, really be here, then you have to build a community. Otherwise, all you’ll do is think about home, call friends every chance you get, and be so lonely here you won’t want to stay.

P.S.—Trust me, it gets easier. You’ll make friends, good friends you wouldn’t trade for anything. You’ll grow (more than you thought possible), and you’ll see God provide for you in ways you didn’t know you’d need.

Invite others in. Once you have your people, your new friends, always continue inviting others in.

I know, you might get jealous or worry maybe your friend will like them and ditch  you—you get all, you know, defense-mode. I’ve had other girls act that way towards me when I was apparently getting too close to their friend, and I’ve acted that way before, too. But don’t be like that. Not only does it make you look both immature and insecure, it also doesn’t reflect the biblical picture of community we see in scripture.

Be hospitable—genuinely welcome others into your life.

(And, no, this does not mean you have to be BFFs with every person out there. But you do need to be friendly and show them the same love that has been shown to you.)

2. Start Your Own Traditions

Decorate! Maybe this is obvious, but if you’re not going home for a holiday or only get to go home for a few days, decorate your apartment! Hit the Goodwill or local thrift shops around town and find a few decorations to help your apartment feel festive. Make your little home warm and inviting, even if only for yourself and roommates. Y’all know Pinterest has all sorts of fun, inexpensive ideas to decorate: don’t just pin ‘em, make ‘em! And if you have extras you don’t want or won’t use, pass them on to others.

Celebrate! You’re in a new place with new people—how exciting! Start your own new traditions! This could either mean incorporating your family’s traditions, like a favorite movie while cooking together or decorating with your new friends (while also letting them introduce you to their special family traditions), or it could mean starting something completely new altogether. Google local events going on in the area, and then go explore! Find a swanky little coffee shop you’ve never been to and enjoy a cup of Pumpkin Latte or Peppermint Mocha together. Have a picnic of cocoa and treats in the park. The possibilities here are just about as endless as your own creativity. Get out and do something!

3. Keep Perspective 

As amazing and unbelievable as this might seem, whatever your life looks like this holiday season, well, it probably won’t look the same come this time next year.  Maybe you or a friend will move to another city or a different apartment. Maybe you’ll get married or have a baby. Or maybe you (or your husband) will graduate and find ministry work elsewhere. You never know what this upcoming year might hold. So don’t take what you have here, right now, for granted. As Trace Adkins once sang, “You’re gonna miss this”: the ridiculously small apartment, the even smaller budget, and the community of other seminarians (just as poor and cramped as you!) just trying to be faithful and prepare well while living their lives together one ordinary day at a time. You only get so many Easters, Thanksgivings and Christmases here—don’t waste a single one! Your God is sovereign and aware of where you are. Be where He has you, even if it’s not where He’s going to keep you.

Lindsey Pope is a 2011 graduate of the University of Florida (Go Gators!) and is currently pursuing her M.Div in Christian Ministry. At the age of sixteen, she was called into Christian ministry; that same year she met two women, one in her twenties and the other in her forties, both pursuing their M.Divs. It was then that she first started dreaming of seminary.

What does Lent have to do with me?

As a child I never heard people talk about Lent – except maybe when Mom instructed me to clean the fuzz out of the clothes dryer (“Lint” and “Lent” are two very different things, but they sure do sound the same down here in the south, especially to a 3^rd grader).

As I grew older, I saw Lent as a 2^nd try on your New Year’s Resolution.  Did you fail at giving up sugar in January?  You can always try it again in March!

When I finally discovered that Lent is in fact a 40-day season Christians set aside to prepare for Easter, I assumed it was for someone else.  All I had ever done to prepare for Easter was pick out a frilly dress and ask my mom to make green bean casserole for lunch.

I do not think I even knew an evangelical Christian who observed the season of Lent. 

And yet, as I've explored more, I've grown to appreciate the season of Lent, not for the external actions with which we often associate it, but instead for how it helps me refocus on what truly matters – the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  Instead of seeing Lent as an opportunity to lose a few pounds, impress my friends with my self-discipline, or re-start a failed New Year’s resolution, I've learned that Lent can be a wonderful time to intentionally spend 40 days reflecting upon the glory of the Gospel. 

Starting today I’ll be fasting from something I enjoy, but what I fast from is definitely not the point of Lent: Jesus is!

I’ll also be reading through the Passion Week recorded in the Gospel of John, meditating on one chapter per day.  I’ll start today in John 12, read through John 21, and then begin again until we celebrate the Resurrection together on April 20^th. 

Not only this, but I’ll be praying for opportunities to talk about what I’m learning with those around me. What a wonderful opportunity to start a spiritual conversation and share with someone about what Christ has done for us!

Here are my questions for you:  Would you be willing to try Lent this year?  What could you do to intentionally focus on magnifying Christ and His sacrifice over the next 40 days?  How can you use this season of reflection to talk with others about the One who has made all the difference for you?

Emily Anthony loves collecting polish pottery, hiking in the mountains, helping teenagers with their algebra homework, and talking with women about what God is doing in and through their lives.  After spending six years serving as a missionary teacher to third culture kids in Budapest, Hungary, Emily returned to the United States to pursue Masters of Divinity in Women's Studies here at Southeastern. She recently began serving as a ministry assistant for Embrace Women's Missions and Ministry at the Baptist State Convention of North Carolina.

10 Ways to be a Missional Momma

If we call ourselves Christians, we are supposed to always be on “mission” right?  We have news that is just too good to share.  We are called to “go and make disciples.”  We are called to love one another.  

But that’s not all pretty diamond cross necklaces, is it?  Being missional is hard work.  It’s an everyday decision that we must make.  I have really learned this over the past year or two, but since actually moving overseas it has hit me extremely hard.  How do I do all that I need to do for the day….wash dishes, clean the toilets, keep Grace content, serve my husband, cook meals, wash clothes, etc., AND be missional? Here are 10 ways that I have learned to be missional.  There are 9,872 more, and probably better, ways to be missional, but these are some that the Lord has taught me over the past year.  

#1 Be a Regular

Be a regular customer at a cafe, shop, or restaurant.  This has opened huge doors for me since moving to London.  The biggest example I can use is my weekly visit to the Somali Cafe.  Not even a week after arriving in London, I visited the cafe for the first time and knew that these women would be not only my friends, but hopefully one day women that would be open to the Gospel.  So every Wednesday, around lunchtime, Grace and I take a bus and two trains to get to this little, hidden room, up three flights of stairs, with two tables and a few chairs.  This weekly ritual has become a highlight in my week, and I hope in the Somali women’s lives as well.  We are “regulars.” 

They expect Grace and me every Wednesday.  The cook knows my order and brings it to me without me even asking.  Now, though this has been SO great, it’s not always good.  I have had to earn their trust and their friendship.  Obviously I don’t speak Somali, so many times I sit there just trying to follow foreign conversations.  I am the outsider by all means, but they know me, and they know that every Wednesday at lunchtime, Laura, the American woman, and her little girl will come and drink tea and talk.  

#2 Don’t always gravitate to your comfortable or like-minded friends.

Whether it’s at a playgroup or the library, or wherever, make new friends,  especially with those who seem new, alone, different, out-of-place, etc.  From being one of the those new/alone/different people when we moved here, those women who approached me brought so much joy and hope into my life, even if they didn’t realize it.  I take Grace to the library every Tuesday (again a regular); each time there are many of the same faces, but there are always new faces as well.  I have to make a serious effort to introduce myself to the newbies.  I think people get very confused on why we live where we live because there are not any other Americans in Wembley….or at least I haven’t seen/met them yet.  To be honest, being a little bit different has opened doors for great conversations here.  I’ve had moms comment on Grace’s bows A LOT!  It’s crazy- girl’s just don’t wear bows here, so without me knowing it, we were screaming “Americans” - I have learned that’s okay.

Through meeting these other women, I have been able to hear their stories and share my story.  And in my story, they get to hear about Jesus, and that’s what is it all about, right?

#4 Prayer walk with your kids.  

I confess, this is a new one for me, but it’s something I really want to do more with Grace.  If they are too little to understand, pop them in the stroller and take a walk and pray.  If they are of age, let them help you see what’s around you and pray.  I mean, how awesome would it be for children to learn how to prayer walk!  I hope to do more of this on a weekly basis where that is my main purpose for getting out; however, the great thing about prayer walking is you can do this at anytime, anywhere, and with anyone.  It can be silent or out loud.  That’s the beauty of it.  

#5 Make every purchase count.  

Let me explain.  Go to different (a.k.a strategic) stores in your community where you can buy your groceries and other items.  I do a regular grocery order delivery every week, but we try to let Lee go to the Middle Eastern market to get fruit and veggies.  I know time is not in our favor, but I am really beginning to see how this can make such a big impact.  I know that Wal-Mart/Target is so enticing because it’s your one-stop-shop; Believe me, I’m with ya on this. We have Asda here in London, which is literally the British version of Wal-Mart.  You might have to go to multiple places to get everything you need, but think about all the relationships you can make at different shops (again, the “regular” thing comes in).  

#6 Ask for help - be humble.  

Do little things like asking for help with directions or advice.  Note: you will get unwanted advice, but swallow that pride and really listen to them-  you will learn something about that person that you didn’t know before.  Now, it might be their crazy parenting advice, but you will get insight to their background and their way of thinking… and it might blow your mind.  The (unwanted) advice that we have received from people here has been CRAZY.  I mean, things that just make you want to say, “What in the world are you thinking?” But that’s where the humbleness part comes to play :).

#7 Keep your home open (and food stocked).  

This is something I have greatly learned to LOVE since moving overseas.  The culture of Middle Eastern peoples is come, drop by, and stay a while, and there are times that I love this, and yet there are times where this style of living is really hard (because I am selfish with my time).  Let me say that we don’t own a big, beautiful home that is perfect for entertaining.  We have a small apartment with a couch (about the size of a loveseat), and four kitchen table chairs.  Entertaining and having people over is not convenient, but it’s something that we have chosen to make an effort to do with those around us, especially with our neighbors. We have invited them into our home so that they can see who we are behind our thin walls.  Oh, and the food stocked part - in our neck of the woods that means always have tea ready to be made and “biscuits” (cookies), nuts, and chocolate ready to be put in bowls and served.  I so wish that we would have had a more “open home” before we moved overseas.  Maybe like you, our home was really our refuge and a place where we could relax and be alone.  Sure we had people at our home and did things, but not with the heart that I have now.  I really, really hope that when we move back to the states one day that we will carry with us this open home (food stocked) way of living.  This having your home open thing also lets others see what and how your family interacts and how you love one another.

#8 Bake and Share.  

You can figure this one out without me typing a book :).

#9 Let others know you are praying for them and their families.  

I try to constantly let my friends know that I am praying for them.  If they tell me something that seems to be worrying them, I try to take that opportunity to carry their burdens and pray for them.  Oh, and a side note on this one- when you have people over in your home, pray FOR THEM BY NAME.  Game changer right there.

#10 (finally right?) Stay steady in your time of reading the Bible.  

This really should be #1.  If we want to be on mission for God, we have to know God, and the more we know God, the more we love Him.  It’s a growing pattern, I think.  The more I know, the more I grow, the more I love God and others.  

LA and her family live in London, England. Actually, Wembley - think Wembley Stadium (Olympics).  The stadium is across the street from their apartment!  LA loves to bake sweets, run (really just so that she can eat more sweets), be with new friends, explore the city of London, and drink as many cappuccinos as possible.  To see what else LA and her family are up to, check out her blog at theharpersbazaar.blogspot.com.

Over the Pond… Where Mission Work Took Place in My Heart!

My heart was broken by the words Matthew spoke at the 9marks Conference: “It is more likely for a Scottish person to know a Muslim than a Christian.” How could this be? If Scottish people don’t know any Christians, how will they ever hear the good news of the gospel or even want to hear it when it is presented?  These are the exact thoughts of the 20Schemes founders. 20Schemes is a one-year-old Christian Church Planting Organization that is trying to plant 10 churches in 20 years in the schemes of Scotland. Schemes are a European name for government housing, though these communities are like mini cities within a city, with 10,000 plus people living in each scheme. Because of the governmental system, most people do not work and therefore spend all day doing…well… really whatever they want. Children go to school but only have to attend until they are 16. Then, because they are able to live on the system, most never aspire to attend college or university.

With demographics as the ones listed above, it is no wonder most people living in the schemes are single moms with drug and addiction problems with abuse running rampant, whether child abuse or relational abuse. 20 Schemes has recognized that if they can plant churches in the middle of these schemes, where they provide a coffee shop or other form of public service in the church, they can reach the people relationally.

This idea presented by Matthew at the conference caught my attention, and I was hooked: I wanted to see what God was up to in the schemes of Scotland, so I signed up to join the Scotland mission team that traveled over Spring break of 2014.

When I arrived in Scotland, I was pleasantly surprised by the “warm” weather and the lack of rain. I was also surprised by the agenda of the trip. Though we had arrived thinking we were doing mission work, the trip ended up being much more of a vision trip to hear about the purpose and mission of 20Schemes. When I first realized this, I must admit I was discouraged, as I had hoped to get to know native Scottish people and share the gospel with them. God used this trip, though, in a completely different way than I expected. God changed my view of a mission trip and redirected my thinking to remaining missional minded. He pressed me to learn how to be a better missionary in the context I am presently living by observing other believers in their everyday lives.

The team worked with a church in the Nidre Scheme, in Edinburgh, Scotland. We got to meet the church leaders and also many of the native interns that are doing ministry through the church. As I talked with the members of the church, I realized that their entire method of integrating people into the church is through discipleship. In all actuality, they really don’t invite people to church until they have shared the gospel with them and formed a deep-rooted relationship with them. This is such a different way to go about evangelizing, as compared to our “American way”. Discipleship is the key thing in the church. When a person becomes a Christian, they are immediately paired with an “older” person in the church to be discipled weekly. They are to be taught the gospel truths and held accountable in every area of their lives. Because of this, people immediately feel a sense of community and are instantly held accountable for their decision to become a Christian. This was absolutely beautiful to me.

My heart is to disciple women. Having the Women’s Ministry pastor in Scotland ask me what I was doing weekly to disciple girls was humbling. When she asked if I discipled anyone, I answered “yes.” When she pushed me as to what that looked like, she quickly clarified that she didn’t want a “tea and biscuits” answer. As Christians, we can get tea and biscuits (or Starbucks) with anyone anytime. Discipleship should be a spiritually older woman coming alongside a spiritually younger woman teaching her the Bible and asking her the hard questions. Yes, this can be done over tea, but the content of the conversation shouldn’t be trivial things; it must be godly things. If this isn’t happening, it isn’t truly biblical discipleship.

As the week progressed, we visited many sights included Sterling Castle in Glasgow, Edinburgh Castle in Edinburgh, as well as various places throughout Edinburgh. We even ventured out and tried Haggis (yes, sheep intestines- That will be the one and only time I do that). We stayed at a seminary in Edinburgh where we met students studying from various parts of Europe. Where we have 4,000 enrolled in our seminary, they have about 20 enrolled. This is the stark contrast between Europe and America- one more example of the lostness of Scotland. The team of 12 grew close quickly, and there was never a dull moment with Dr. Eccher leading our team. It was amazing seeing each person on the team come alongside their team members to love and encourage each other, even though most of us had only met one time before.

There are so many things I could tell you about the trip, but I would like to leave you with these thoughts. Though the trip was not a mission trip in the sense I was expecting, we were able to encourage our brothers and sisters in a way they rarely ever receive. We visited two pastors in Glasgow, Pete and Pete (we jokingly called them “Pete and re-Pete”).  While there we were able to go into the high school and meet students as well as meet with teachers in a primary school and talk to them about the gospel. I absolutely loved this more “mission geared” day, but I realized that the people who received the most missional love and support were Pete and Pete. Our brothers and sisters in Scotland are lonely and tired and worn down. They find their strength in the Lord, but there is power in the body of Christ- the joy they expressed because we visited them was humbling; it proved the urgency we need to have, as the body, in not only reaching the lost but supporting out fellow brothers and sisters.

As I come back from my trip to Scotland, I am not only encouraged to rethink my goals as I disciple younger women, but I am challenged to push hard to loving my brothers and sisters where I am at as well as from afar. As I think of the many missionaries overseas (or stateside), I am struck with how little I do to love them from America. A simple card through snail mail or email would not take much time at all, and it would mean the world to my Christian family that doesn't have much family and support close by.

I challenge you, as women of Southeastern: Don’t wait another day to love your spiritual family. Don’t take for granted the incredible gift we have here at Southeastern where we are “surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses.” And don’t stop teaching the truth, searching and spurring on new believers to think about the tough questions. Challenge those you are discipling and be intentional in the way you teach, reproof, correct, and train (2 Timothy 3:16) those whom God has placed in your life. Finally, look at every experience as a missional experience. Whether you are personally serving or observing others as they serve, let God teach you more about His character and how He wants you to actively participate in the mission He has called his children to live out.

Catie Thomas is a student at Southeastern working towards her Masters of Divinity in International Church Planting. She is also currently the Administrative Assistant in the Women's Life office. She has a heart for women and is humbled that God allows her to share His truth with them, whether that means mourning with them as they mourn or rejoicing with them as they rejoice. She looks forward to the future as she continues on this journey with the Lord but joyfully rests in the place where God has her here at Southeastern.

February is Black History Month! We are excited to hear from Beverly Headen and be encouraged about our identity in Christ.

Identity Theft

Everyday someone or something in our culture is attempting to steal our true identity. 

I grew up in rural North Carolina, the eldest of three girls, raised by a single mom.

Looking back, my childhood was kind of idyllic in that my first memory was of love and acceptance from the most important person in my life at that time, my mom. 

But as I explored the world outside our small wood-framed house, I encountered the opinions and perceptions of others about who I was supposed to be.  The joy of my childhood started a slow slide into the despair of feeling never quite good enough.

First, I discovered that by United States economic standards, I and my family were considered poor.  Financially challenged and low-income, my mother worked two jobs as a young woman. Amazingly, I never felt the pinch of lack, but from a worldly perspective being low-income was strike one.

Second, I discovered I was not considered “pretty” like the girls in fairy tales or my baby dolls, or even in my own culture.  I had dark skin, was overweight, and had acne! I simply could not be recommended on the basis of worldly beauty; however, as my dear grandmother once told me in most tender terms, “you have pretty hands and feet.”   Not much consolation to a pre-teenJ: strike two.

Third, as a sixth grade girl I attended the first integrated school in my small rural town. There I discovered, through the pain and sting of racism and bullying, that I was hated by some people. I wasn’t prepared for the treatment and the words others used to “name” me. Growing up African-American in the Jim Crow South: strike three. 

The truth is, the labels the world uses to name us, and even the labels we get from our families can be powerful and harmful.  These labels shape us, guide us, and ultimately identify us. They cling to us as imperceptibly as dead skin. The writer E.E. Cummings said,

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable….”

For me, my life in Christ is my identity now. All other labels have fallen away.  I cling in faith day-by-day to the truth of who God created me to be as found in His revealed Word. 

“We are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10 NLT)

I love, love, love (you get the idea!) teaching women the Scriptures.  It is one of my passions and brings me great joy.  To see women understand Scripture and have it change their lives is an indescribable thing.  Since the moment I received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I’ve wanted to be a part of something that would change people, especially women, to the core of who they are.  Back home in Florida, I was blessed to have small group leaders who recognized that God has gifted me in this area, and they gave me opportunities to teach on multiple occasions. 

Since moving to N.C. last summer, starting school, trying to meet new people, and attend a new church haven’t left me much time to put this gift into practice.  This semester, though, God has given me two different opportunities to exercise the gift of teaching.  I have the privilege of being a D-group leader to three beautiful Southeastern college women, and I am a member of the LEAD{women} team. Since you can read about D-Groups here, I am going to tell you about LEAD{women}!

Ladies Engaging and Discipling women is a ministry of Southeastern that serves the women in North Carolina’s local churches while providing valuable, practical ministry experience for Southeastern’s female students.  As churches call the Women’s Life Office with requests for women to lead upcoming women’s events, the Women’s Life office contacts the LEAD team and works with the team to select the appropriate person(s) to fulfill each church’s request.  The churches benefit from the passionate, well-trained women who staff the event, and the LEAD team benefits from the experience of hands-on ministry involvement.

My first opportunity to serve through LEAD{women} was at a WMU meeting for the women of Norlina Baptist Church in Norlina, NC.  I was asked to share about a recent mission trip and how the Lottie Moon and Annie Armstrong offerings impact missions.  This past summer, I participated in a trip to Indonesia that Southeastern offered, so I was able to share about my experiences, lessons learned, and the challenges I faced on that trip. 

Leslie Hildreth, the Women’s Ministry Coordinator at SEBTS, went with me for support and to provide feedback on my talk.  We had the opportunity to eat with the women before I spoke and to get to know the pastor and his wife.  All of the women made me feel very special; they even had corsages for Leslie and me to wear! 

The event at Norlina Baptist Church was a learning experience for me.  Since I did not grow up in a Baptist church, my understanding of Lottie Moon and Annie Armstrong were limited to what I had learned through the Cooperative Program class Southeastern requires.  It was so much fun to research and learn a little more about these women and to share what I learned with the women of Norlina Baptist.  

This teaching opportunity came at just the right time in my life.  Though I was struggling emotionally with some things, our ever gracious and loving Father used the very lessons I had learned in Indonesia to remind me all over again of His grace, strength, and love.  He reminded me that He will never leave me and that carries me through rough patches of fear and doubting in my relationship with Him.  The Lord also challenged me through this talk to stay committed to praying for those serving on the field.  I was reminded to pray about why I should stay, about how I give to missions, and about being intentional to live missionally every day, right where I am.   

I am so blessed to be a part of this team, and I am thankful that Southeastern has provided such an incredible opportunity to grow and develop my skills while preparing for ministry!

For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.  As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.”  For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”  How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in?  And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard?  And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?  And how can anyone preach unless they are sent?  As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”  Romans 10:10-15 (NIV)

I turned 43 this summer! 

In many ways I still feel 23 BUT the spattering of grey hairs and the fine wrinkles that are slowly appearing remind me that I AM getting older J  So why would I reveal my age in a public environment when it is something, as women, that we generally don’t speak of past the age of 30-something?  Revealing my age ties in with the purpose of this article – to show how we can be enslaved to different behaviors for large periods of our lives without realizing how long it has been or even at what initial age we began exhibiting the behavior. 

Ok, slow down, you might be thinking.  What in the world are you talking about?  I am talking about a subject that, I do believe, is a major issue in the lives of many women – eating disorders.

In the summer of 2010 – 3 years ago to date – God began an incredible work in my life which he completed this summer on Wednesday 31^st of July.  The journey began while I was teaching a Bible Study entitled Embracing the Uncluttered Life at the local church we were attending.  The third week was an in-depth look at the physical clutter in our lives, with specific emphasis on diet and exercise.  I commented to my husband during the week of preparation that I was expecting it to be the easiest of the sessions. I had been involved in competitive sport from the young age of 5 and always had an interest in diet and how it affects the human body in terms of health and strength.  Well, was I in for an awakening – it was the toughest session to prepare AND to teach because God revealed to me a very deep obsession with my physical appearance (specifically in the area of my weight) and an even deeper obsession with competition (in the area of sport) because of a deep-rooted insecurity to prove my worth as a person.   As I spent time searching His Word for material to teach the ladies, he brought to the surface an unwillingness on my part to admit that I had been enslaved to various forms of weight control – bingeing, purging, fat burners, and heavy strength training.  All of these things had given me a strong, slim body BUT had left me with an emptiness and heaviness within my spirit that He began to peel away.  It was an exhausting time, but, as He is faithful in finishing what He begins in our lives, it was also the beginning of a journey to freedom.

Jump with me to this summer.  Recently, God sovereignly acted in my life so that I “stumbled upon” Beth Moore’s Breaking Free Bible Study.  In this study, Beth asks the reader to identify any strongholds that need tearing down.  Needless to say, God showed me how dieting and body image had been in my life as a stronghold for over 20 years, and that it finally needed to be laid to rest. 

This is my journal entry from the day that I believe God finally set me free from the insecurities that led to a lifetime of mistreating my body through excessive exercise and eating disorders . . . 

“Father, I am not sure when I began overeating but I do remember the nickname that I was given as a child:  “FATS”.  I hated being called this.  It was and still is a derogatory remark that did nothing to encourage me or to allow me to see myself as beautiful.  It hurt me terribly.  Father, right now I want to offer up forgiveness to those who gave this name to me and I want to ask Your forgiveness for believing this lie.  This image of being fat has infiltrated my mind and been the root cause of so many struggles with my weight over the years.”

It is hard to admit that we have ANY form of eating disorder, for they come in various forms and disguises.  But my heart’s cry is that if you are reading this article and your heart is stirred because of it, that you will seriously ask God to show You if there is anything within your eating or exercise that could be seen as obsessive or destructive.  If He shows you anything that needs dealing with, don’t wait 20 years as I did.  Deal with it today and then believe His Word when he says,

“For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I know that full well.”  (Psalm 139:13-14)

And then remember, EXTERNAL beauty will fade with age but INTERNAL beauty remains forever!

Have you ever noticed how God will give you something to teach to someone else when in reality He plans to teach you something?  That happened to me last week.

Forgiveness – A topic that I speak often about when counseling women.  

Picture from http://www.sxc.hu/photo/47298

The Thursday before Easter, I was counseling with a young lady and leading her to understand how she needed to forgive someone who had greatly mistreated her and hurt her deeply.  I explained to her that we are to forgive because we have been forgiven (Col. 3:13).  I explained how unforgiveness would grow to bitterness and anger (Heb 12:14-15).  As I always do, I walked her through Ken Sande’s four pledges of forgiveness:

• I will not think about this incident. 
• I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you. 
• I will not talk to others about this incident. 
• I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship. (Peacemaking for Families by Ken Sande (pg. 85)

Little did I know that the next few days were going to present a huge opportunity for me to put these principles into action myself.  Not only that, I was going to learn firsthand just how difficult they can be.  You see over the weekend someone hurt my mother with some very ugly and untrue words.  It crushed her and when she relayed the story to me, she sobbed as I held her in my arms.  I was so very angry with the person who did it.  I talked about the person to several other people wanting them to feel as angry as I did.  Repeatedly in my mind, I acted out what I would say and do, given the chance to see this person.

Well, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to see the glaring sins that were manifesting in my own heart.  I actually felt physically ill.  Words I had said many times before rang in my ears, no one can “make” me angry; it is a choice I was making.  The anger lasted for about two days, as did the gossiping and role-playing.  There was a battle raging inside me.  I knew in my heart that I was sinning, but in my own flesh, I didn’t want to do differently.  Finally, it all culminated in a moment when I cried out to God,

“Lord, I don’t want to sin against you, I know it is wrong! Please give me your supernatural strength to handle this situation in a way that brings you glory!”

Truly, in that moment, I felt release.  I am still sad about what happened, but I no longer want to dwell on it.  I don’t have a burning desire to see the other person hurt.  I simply just don’t want to talk about it.

I am so grateful to God for touching my heart with His merciful hand and relieving me of this weight.  I am thankful that he loves me enough to help me in my weakness when I cry out.

Ladies, where do you need God to infuse you with His power to change?  I challenge you - just ask Him…

By His love,