Heart to Heart on Parenting

Guest Blogger Alison Lawson Shares on Love in Parenting  

I remember the moment I feel in love with my first child.  I was both excited and apprehensive when I found out we were expecting a baby.  The beginning of the pregnancy proceeded smoothly, but at about four months, I was hospitalized with complications.  While listening to my baby’s heart beat over the monitors throughout the night, I fell in love.  It was a huge, powerful, unexplainable love.  My husband felt the same love a little later when the doctor delivered our 8 lb 2 oz baby boy almost three weeks early.

A mom’s love for her children is incredible.  She immediately wants to provide, protect, and defend her offspring, as she attempts to furnish them with all they need and want.  Even when they test her beyond reason, she strives to give them the best life possible.  This mind-set is healthy for the most part, but it can also cause some very confusing feelings. 

Imagine this situation.  You have instructed your child to clean his room, giving him simple directions – put the cars in the box, the stuffed animals on the bed, and the books on the shelf.  You remind him the timer is set and the room must be clean before it beeps.  He acknowledges that he understands.  At the halfway mark, while gently reminding him of the time he has left, you notice your easily distracted child has made little progress.  When the buzzer finally goes off, you are doubtful he has completed the job.  Your suspicions are quickly confirmed. 

Having no desire to hurt his feelings or upset him with time out, taking away privileges, or a spanking, you decide to give him five more minutes, and then another five, and finally you just do the job yourself.  After all, he is a child.  He should be playing, and you want him to have loving memories from his childhood instead of memories involving punishment.

Neglecting appropriate discipline, however, is not a true display of love.  Love is an action, not a feeling.  Parents, hoping to avoid hurt feelings or loud cries, may not feel like punishing their children.  Mom may have such warm, fuzzy feelings for her child that she thinks she can excuse his disobedient behavior.  But that is not love. 

Love is training our children to be responsible, obedient adults.  Love is teaching them who to be accountable to - their parents and eventually God.  Love, rarely the easiest path, involves time, patience, and sometimes pain.  Parents show love to their children by taking actions that their offspring may not necessarily consider very loving.  However, the benefits of true love are often not immediate, but rather seen over the course of life. 

Parenting is not easy.  Love is not easy.  But no greater love can be displayed to one’s children than through disciplining and training them to surrender their lives to God and be obedient to Him, which includes obeying mommy and daddy.

Love also includes showing grace and mercy.  There will be times when we say to our children, “You do not deserve this treat, but I will give it to you anyway because I love you.”  Or “You deserve punishment, but you seem to have learned your lesson and I will not administer it this time.”  Grace and mercy are important aspects of love to be used with discretion and wisdom and as part of the process of training children to become men and women of character. 

By administering appropriate discipline, grace, and mercy, children will be confident of mom and dad’s love for them.

“He who loves his son disciplines him promptly.” Proverbs 13:24b

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”  Hebrews 12:11.

To see Alison's earlier post on Marriage click here. 

Alison Lawson has been a part of the Southeastern community for over twelve years.  Her husband, Michael, earned Masters of Divinity and Doctor of Ministry degrees from Southeastern, and has been employed at SEBTS as the Director of Campus Security since 2002.  Mike and Alison have been married for fifteen years and have three sons whom she home schools: Brandon (7th grade), Nicholas (4th grade), and Zachary (2nd grade). They are members at Wake Cross Roads Baptist Church.  Read more about what God is teaching Alison and her family at www.fivefootprints.blogspot.com. 

 Don't forget tonight is "Get Thrifty"!  From 7 pm to 8:30 pm at The Ledford Center you can learn more about couponing and dressing on a dime while hearing an encouraging word from Stephanie Mills.  All women are invited!