February 28, 2012
So many times I run from you. So many times I hide from your perfect will in my life.
So many times you bring me back.
Ive been sitting here this morning having my quiet time, drinking my coffee. I love mornings like this, where I can sit and soak up my time with the Lord. Lately I have been questioning a lot about my ability (or inability) to fully trust Him. To have complete relinquishment of myself.
My head gets in the way of my heart.
I want my life to not only serve Him, but I want it to be a fragrant offering to Him. There is so much I can’t do on my own. So much I cant overcome on my own. Yet He still stands there waiting for me to ask Him for his hand. Its so very hard sometimes to honestly believe that someone else knows what is right for me. It is hard for me to just sit and wait for His will, yet when I do, life holds so much more peace and joy.
Worship is my heart. I want really to worship Him. I want my life to be a pleasing fragrance. I want my worship to be so enveloped in awe and adoration that those around me gain a true understanding of the personal and emotional relationship they can have with a loving God. I bow my pride before Him and pour my veil of worship out. Even in the midst of my ugliness and my vileness, He still longs for that personal relationship with me.
It is what I was created for.
Pouring out my heart. Why is that so hard? Why is it so hard for me to show Him the areas of my life that he already knows exist? Why do I think that I can hide things from an all compassing, all knowing jealous God?
I confess now my selfishness, my pride, my longing for the things of this world. I humbly lay down my life in front of him- like I have done so many times before. I give him my life.
Actually, I give him back the life he gave me.
Have you ever wondered what it feels like to have absolute abandon?
Have you ever been in a place in your relationship with Christ where you feel so completely out of control of everything, yet so at peace? I long for that, I long for the relationship with Him that causes me to completely release my grip on my life. I long for the realness of just crawling in His lap and laying my head on His shoulder like a child does.
Complete and utter trust.
Christ is not a lofty God sitting way up there, looking at us way down here. He isn’t waiting for us to sing a hymn and light a candle. He doesn’t care about our rituals, He isn’t impressed with them.
He created us for the relationship. He created us for His joy. He created us to worship Him.
He created us to be REAL.
Sunday mornings are meaningless to Him if they are lathered up in shiny offerings of pride. He wants us to cry with Him. He wants us to share our darkest and most hurtful moments with Him. He wants us to understand that our relationship with him was meant to be intimate, emotional, honest.
He longs for those moments with us
Heather is a brain cancer survivor who lives life on the edge. She
loves her family, her bald head and, most of all, her Savior’s grace.
She lives in the sunny yet very humid state of Florida with her husband,
three children and 2 dogs, a miniature schnauzer named Bailey and a
Boxer named Max. She homeschools her two oldest children. Her youngest
child, Emma Grace went to be with Jesus on April 22, 2011 after a long
and valiant fight with a transplanted heart.
She was 9 years old.
Heather blogs about her trials in raising Emma Grace as well as her own
personal journey with cancer and faith. Her motto is "It is not about
the hair, Its about the heart..."
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