Guest Blogger Megan Barley Shares on being a Pastor's Wife

During our time at Southeastern, we wondered how God was going to use us and where He would send us. Would we go overseas after graduation? Would we serve in a local church close to what we knew as home? Or would that local church be far away from where we grew up? Through all of these questions for what we would do and where our family would be lead, I also often wondered what my role in our ministry would be and what it would look like. I will jump ahead and tell you that my husband is a church planter and we live in downtown Denver, Colorado where we planted The Summit Church beginning in January 2011. That means for eight months, I've been a pastor's wife. And considering my limited experience, I felt it was appropriate to share with you what I've discovered this year about what a pastor's wife is not, rather than what a pastor's wife is.

A pastor's wife is not someone who finds her identity in being a pastor's wife.

I often feared that I would be defined by my role in the church, being known more as a pastor’s wife than just plain Megan. However, something that I’ve learned quickly in Denver is that finding my identity in my role (or even myself) will ultimately fail, and the gospel declares that I’m given a greater identity by God. The identity that has been given to me and the identity I must continually return to is my identity in Christ and what God has declared true of me through His work.

I’m learning that my role doesn’t make me more important in the church and that my role doesn’t make me less needy of God’s grace. While I once feared the pressure, extra responsibilities and expectations that I associated with the title “pastor’s wife,” I’ve learned that when I fall short, God’s opinion of me doesn’t change, because His favor is based on Christ’s work and not my own. And I’ve learned that when I succeed, I have no reason to boast because I can’t add onto the favor God has already extended to me in Christ.

Practically, this has meant that instead of my contentment being contingent on how I’m succeeding or failing at my “role,” God has given me consistent joy in finding my identity in Christ.

A pastor's wife is not someone who ministers just because she's a pastor's wife.

I also feared that my role would mean that there would be a greater pressure from myself and others to do ministry, when I wasn’t sure if God had “called” me into ministry. However, I’ve been learning that faithfulness to a lifestyle of ministry is a call on every Christian woman’s life, not just for those who happen to be married to pastors.

There are no special commandments given to me because of who my spouse is. Rather, because I am a Christian, I have been given a call to be a minister for Jesus. I have been given commandments such as being a good student of God's word and learning (1 Timothy 2:11), being a disciple-maker for Jesus (Matthew 28:19), and teaching what is good to younger women (Titus 2:3). These are lofty commandments and they come from a God who knows our strengths and weaknesses and finds joy in seeing us serve Him and one another. God is teaching me that he has given ALL women these lofty commandments – not just pastors’ wives.

Being so new to this role, I often wondered if I was qualified to do all this, especially when it came to teaching younger women (Titus 2:3). This was a verse that I used to dismiss and promise myself that I would take to heart once I had gray hair - once I have more life experiences, once I have children, once we have been in ministry for a bit longer, I would do this.

My dear pastor (who also happens to be my husband) broke this down in a recent sermon. Bryan explained that there are areas in each of our lives where we are "older" than others. Sometimes this looks like teaching a newer believer what it means to really memorize scripture when you have been a Christian for a bit longer, or it could mean spending time talking with another woman about her two year old marriage when you have a four year old marriage.

When I was in nursing school, one of my professors gently told us that as nurses we will never be through learning. I’ve learned the same applies in the Christian life. I once thought that the ongoing learning and studying of the Bible were meant for those guys who went to seminary. But In 1 Timothy, women are given the commandment to "learn quietly with all submissiveness". Ladies, that wasn't a typo. Megan Barley, as a woman within God's family and not as a woman whose husband is a pastor, has been given the commandment to learn! You, whether your husband is a pastor or a plumber, have been commanded to learn, to be a student of God's word, and to put Scripture on your heart.

Women, let us follow God's commands. Let us follow these commands because we have the privilege of being a woman in God's family. Let us follow these commands because of that privilege and not because of a role.
 

Megan Barley lives in Denver, Colorado with her husband, Bryan, and their chocolate lab, Penny. Megan graduated from UNC-Chapel Hill and is a Registered Nurse who works for the Denver Public School system as a School Nurse. Bryan is the lead pastor of the Summit Church. You can keep up with the Barleys through Megan's blog at http://ourlittleurbanlife.blogspot.com.