We had been waiting just under four
years for the moment when we finally stepped onto foreign soil, into the place
we only knew from stories, books and others’ experiences. Our first days in the Middle East were the
typical honeymoon full of new smells, new sights, new tastes, and we loved
every minute. It was only after meeting
with my mentor the first time that I began to realize this journey would be a
whole new experience in my walk with God.
She told me hesitantly that every person or family she has known 20
years on the field, dealt with some sort of tragedy their first term. I took this news but stashed it away,
secretly hoping she would be wrong about us.
We
started language; begin to set up house and adjust culturally. Our first modular class started seven weeks
after arrival and we reluctantly headed to Prague. We traveled with minimal luggage fully
expecting to travel, sight-see and return home in two weeks, until we received
the call that our team was being evacuated and we were to meet them in a nearby
country. We all waited, thinking we
would be home soon, but the weeks turned to months, months a year, until 16
months later we made the journey back home.
I
faced many days of uncertainty, emotional lows and moments when thoughts I
never imagined were possible ran through my head. As I walked through the fog, what began to
emerge was a theme of constant provision.
When that light dawned I soon realized, that this first term was not a
reward for having finally “made it”, but I was in the cauldron, being tested,
refined and honed. I found that through
each new circumstance, God began to show me things I needed to learn or things
that were important, not so that I could simply survive the first term, but how
to thrive and be ready and willing to hop back on the plane for a second
term. I have heard the sad statistics of
so many young families leaving after just one or two terms and I wanted to know
why. Surely, the emotions I felt were
not new and they too struggled with the highs and lows of culture adjustment,
language, company quirks etc. My mentor
kept telling me that this race was a marathon not a sprint and as I repeated
this mantra, the light started to dawn.
If I wanted to succeed not just survive, I needed to open my eyes and
learn. The learning didn’t finish when
we left the safe green of SEBTS; it only began. These are some of the lessons I have been learning since entering this new mission field.
1. A Quiet Pain – An Offering to the One who
Sees and Knows
I
had endless opportunities to gripe, whine and complain. The downward spiral into negativity happens
quickly like a flash flood. Learning to
seek God above all else, regardless of my circumstances and letting go of my
own expectations, resulted in growth, but there were many nights I simply
poured my tears out to the One who sees.
I had to learn to trust that He was holding the plan and my pain in his
hands. While waiting to hear from Him, I
read good books such as “Calm my Anxious Heart” by Linda Dillow, “The Art of Divine Contentment” by Thomas
Watson, “The Hiding Place” by Corrie Ten Boom and “Unbroken” by Leslie
Hildebrand. I also prayed and fasted a
lot and diligently read through the bible each day. There were days it may have been a rote
exercise, but I am confident that God’s word never returns void and even in the
dryness, His words were healing balm to my soul. By releasing my pain to God, He reminded me
of His daily presence, provision and passion.
Even my most difficult moments became an offering lifted up.
There
was much temptation as well, to yell my pain from the rooftops, whether from
frustration over yet another report due, irritating Internet connection or lack
of real vanilla and chocolate chips.
What I discovered though was that the more I shared these burdens with
others, the more I was weighing them down.
Everyone is struggling with their own weights and challenges, learning
to be sensitive to their pain enabled me to love them more deeply and in return
I turned to the only One who can really carry my burden and lighten my
load. My friends, my family, all have
their own battles and mine may weigh them down beyond what they can bear. Not only did I realize how to love them
better but also I learned how to rely on God above all else. Of course we need people in our lives and
letting them in is a delicate balance that requires discernment and
wisdom. As you wisely share and others
see you struggle, this will encourage them as well. Learn to comfort others even if this seems
unnatural. You should be speaking truth
into their lives not just complaining.
They may be struggling with the same things. I had to learn in all circumstances how to be
content, how to pour myself out to the King and how my pain could be used and
shared appropriately. “A contented heart is never out of heart. Contentment
is a golden shield that beats back discouragements.”~ Thomas Watson
2. A Constant Adjustment – Living the Fluid Life
Sometimes
your plans just don’t work out. We all
know this, but when it starts to happen to every plan, it leaves you wondering,
scheming up new plans and even questioning if you remember correctly the first
plan you had. What I am coming to
discover over time and through many mistakes is that God’s plan is the
plan. One step at a time, I am learning
to become completely fluid in releasing myself to accept, revere and quit
struggling against it. His plan will be
fulfilled whether you fight against it or be still and worship through it.
After
reading a book titled, “Crucial Conversations” my husband likes to constantly
remind me to check the “story” I am telling myself. Basically that means that in my flesh, I am a
master at manipulating and changing plans.
When things turn sour, my first instinct is to tell myself a story of
what, why and how we got to this place and then work diligently to readjust the
plan. But living the fluid life means
riding the waves and thinking critically about how to do that, not insisting
that there is a shark chasing you and then paddling like crazy for the shore. If I want to see clearly, I have to use the
logic God gave me and sometimes that means stuffing those emotions aside and
taking a critical look at the story or lie I am believing in that moment. There were many things in my plan that God
changed or moved to direct me on to a new path but there were also emotions
that came along with those movements.
Many times, my emotions blinded me to the truth until I removed the
blinders and focused on the logic of where God was taking me. He has always been more interested in my
relationship with him, purging me to make me more like Christ than my desire to
be comfortable.
Here
is a look at the other lessons I am learning that I will be sharing in future
blog posts.
Hope to see you there!
3. A Tight Lip – Look, Listen and Feel, Leading
by Example
4. A New View – Never Assume
5. A New Worship – The One on the Pedestal
6. A Better Plan – His!
7. A Tight Rope Life – How to do it all and
survive
8. A Second Honeymoon – Living with your Spouse
Cross-Culturally
9. A Surer Foundation – Rock vs Sand
10. A Living Hope – Filling your Jar
Amy Lynn* has been married to her husband for 15 years. He graduated last May from SEBTS with an MDIV in International Church Planting. They are currently serving in the Middle East. They have 4 children, ages 13, 11, 5 and 2. Amy Lynn enjoys reading, writing and working out when she is not studying Arabic or visiting friends.
*Name has been changed to ensure protection for our contributor.
