Today is the final post in our 3-day series from The Council on Biblical Manhood & Womanhood article Satisfied and Complementarian. To look at the past two days click here & here.
Not a One-Way Street
Fourth, we must realize that God's plan of male headship is not all "for" men and "against" women. Rather, this position of leader or head that God gives to men does not come without some heavy responsibilities. Ephesians 5:25 says that husbands are to love their wives just as Christ also loved the church "and gave Himself up for her. How much sacrificing, according to Scripture, are husbands to do for their wives? This comparison to Christ indicates that they are to basically give up everything--to sacrifice deeply for her benefit. Later, in verses 28 and 29, Paul says, "So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church."
To add to this, Peter says in 1 Peter 3:7 that men who do not live with their wives in this manner will have their prayers hindered. There should be no doubt based on these passages about the manner in which God expects men to lead (loving, self-sacrificial, nurturing) and the fact that there are consequences for not doing so. Nothing in Scripture advocates a demanding, oppressive leadership style from men. On the contrary, the exact opposite is commanded (Matthew 20:25-28). In regard to church leadership, 1 Peter 5:1-4 again gives the demeanor with which men are to carry out their leadership (not lording it over anyone, verse 3). Hebrews 10:17 makes it clear that God will demand an account out of these men for the way they governed the ministries of which they were in charge. Church leadership is not just a matter of using and recognizing gifts, but also an avenue with which comes much responsibility. Women can rejoice in the fact that God is watching and will hold men accountable for how they lead and treat women. This is not just a one-way street. Furthermore, these passages do say something to women about having high standards for the men in their lives. It is not wrong to expect and encourage this type of behavior and demeanor in a man. It is biblical to do so. 1 Peter 3:4 says that a married women who does not have this type of a husband can and should still influence that man by her own gentle, quiet, and chaste behavior. Single women, too, have every right to look for and to accept nothing less than this type of a man in deciding whom to marry. God is glorified by women upholding and supporting these standards.
Eternal Rewards
Fifth, each of us will be rewarded for faithfully sticking to and living by what we know to be true in Scripture. 1 Peter 1:13 tells us to "fix our hope completely on the grace to be brought to us at the revelation of Jesus Christ." I remember asking myself in college one time, about two years after I had come to Christ, "How did the apostles do it? How did they endure so much hardship even to the point of martyrdom for Christ?" Then I came across the above verse. The apostles' entire hope was being placed on the future eternal rewards that Christ Himself would give them for obedience and faithfulness, not on anticipated rewards or recognition in this life. It may not be fun to be a godly wife in a marriage with a man who does not know Christ. It may not be fun to go home to an empty apartment instead of going out and partying at a bar on "ladies night out" with others from the office. It may not be fun to take an elderly neighbor shopping once a week or to endure the hostility of a boss or co-worker who doesn't know the Lord and is operating out of selfishness and pride. It may not be easy to break off a relationship because of high standards of sexual morality. It may not be easy to watch a man with lesser teaching or speaking abilities than you receive a position of leadership in the church. These choices (ministries) are not seen and applauded by others as the public teaching ministry of a pastor usually is. But they are just as visible to and valuable in God's eyes as are the ministries of music and preaching we see every Sunday morning from a church platform. James 1:27 tells us that "pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father (is) to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." This is a very humble and often unseen type of ministry, and yet God calls that "pure" religion. Without a Scriptural definition of ministry, we will live our lives in frustration, always looking for "ministry" (a visible, public position with a title) and perhaps overlook the less visible ministries God has for us.
About four months after graduating from Moody Bible Institute several years ago, I was back on campus for a concert with one of my former classmates. During the intermission, we went for a walk and crossed paths with a janitor. My friend remembered him from her days as a student and he remembered her. We stopped and talked with him for a while. School for that term had been in session for about three weeks. One of his comments really touched my heart. He said, "It gets lonely around here during the summer. I'm so glad to see them kids come back. I just love them kids! I just love them kids!" Thinking about my own selfish tendencies, I thought, "If I had his job I probably would have said, 'The students are back and they're messing up the floors I just cleaned!'" But not this man. Even though he pushed a broom for a living, he did it as a ministry and as a service to the students he loved. How many people would miss him and his colleagues' services if he went on strike or quit? Quite a few, I would imagine. I remember thinking in my mind as I listened to him that his ministry and his heart were just as precious to God as a powerful, well-delivered sermon by the president of the school or any of the faculty (all of whom I greatly respect) and he will have his eternal reward for his ministry to the faculty and students even though there is little public recognition of it here and now.
Forbidden Fruit
Finally, if you really look at it, only a few things are specifically forbidden to women in Scripture—usurping their husbands' authority in the home, teaching the Bible to adult men, and serving as a pastor or elder in a church. The limitations really are very few. However, often these restrictions can appear to us much as the forbidden tree did to Eve in the Garden of Eden. Our minds and hearts become so focused on what we "can't" have that we lose sight of everything else that is open to us and thus harm ourselves and others in the process. [See "But What Should Women do in the Church?" - Grudem and p. 58 in Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.. I have been through periods where I have felt shelved or brushed off in ministries and churches simply because I am a woman. It is frustrating and hurtful. But Christ Himself wasn't recognized for who He really was (John 1:11), nor did He fight for that recognition (Philippians 2:5-11). Yet did He have a lasting ministry? The Apostle Paul spent a significant amount of time in various prisons. Yet did he have a lasting ministry? Both had ministries because they walked with God step by step, not because they fought for positions in ministry. God blessed them in the end.
To borrow a quote from 19th Century missionary Hudson Taylor, "God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supply." "And reward," I might add. We must remember first of all that it is God Himself, not ourselves, our egos, our friends or family, that we must seek to please. Pleasing Him and abiding in Christ involves obeying God's commands (John 15:10). For women, that means obeying the commands to submit to and support godly male leadership in the home and church and to refrain from stepping outside the boundaries God's Word sets for us.
If I ask God to teach me how to delight myself in Him (Psalm 37:4), how to abide in Him (John 15:10), and ask Him help me to always have Christ as my first love (Revelation 2:4), then I can trust that He will see to it that I accomplish the "good works which God has prepared beforehand" for me to walk in (Ephesians 2:10), that my heart's desires will be fulfilled, and that recognition will come some day (Psalm 37:4-7). In the end, I may even get to hear from Him, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your Master." Ten thousand years from now, won't that be all that really matters?
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