We hope to see you on Monday night for the first Connecting Point event of 2014! 

*If you will need childcare, don't forget to contact the Women's Life Office at 919-761-2340 by 4pm on Friday, January 31.*

  

How have you been doing with your

 New Year’s Resolutions?

Earlier this month, we mentioned the “Empty Shelf Challenge” that John Acuff came up with (see his post here). Many of you have resolved to read more this year, and hopefully our posts this month are helping you accomplish that goal!

Today, we want to re-introduce you all to one more resource that can help you read more in 2014.

Ladies, the Women’s Life Office is proud to present:

THE WLO LIBRARY

We hope you will stop by to check out some of the resources that are available to you! You can also find a list of our resources here.  (Just be sure to choose WLO Library on the “Collections” drop down list.)

Today’s blog post is post from Sarah Woods, a new addition to the Women’s Life family.  If you are looking for another book to add to your New Year Resolution Reading List, check out her review of Linda Dillow’s What’s it like to be Married to Me?

We are usually well aware of our spouse’s flaws and weaknesses.  Most of us could easily name something our husband does that we find annoying.  Maybe we have even attempted to change his behavior by reasoning or pleading with him, to no avail.

When we become so focused on changing him, we can forget that we have flaws and sinful habits as well. 

As seminary wives, we may be quick to affirm the doctrine of sin and the fact that we are sinners, but how often do we take the time to consider the specific ways in which we sin?  Have you ever looked at things from your spouse’s point of view and asked

 “What is it like to be married to me?”

In Linda Dillow’s book What’s it like to me Married to Me? she challenges us to ponder this and other “dangerous” questions.  We are asked to question

* What’s it like to make love with me?

* What is it like to go through times of suffering with me?

* And why does it seem so much easier to hold on to anger than to forgive?

The best part about this book is that it’s written in an honest and extremely practical manner.  After reading many theologically heavy books about marriage, this was a refreshing change of pace that still packed a Biblical punch.  The liberal use of anecdotes makes it an interesting and quick read.  I also really appreciated her distinction between a goal and a desire. 

A GOAL is something we want to change that we also have the power to change.

A DESIRE is something we want but can’t control. 

This distinction helps us focus our effort on changing things we can control (such as our own behavior), rather than trying to “fix” something we can’t control, such as our husband’s behavior.

Four words of caution:

1) The book does contain some detailed discussion of sexual matters, so I would not recommend this for women who are not yet married. 

2) When discussing the importance of love and respect from Ephesians 5, she uses the language of “love gap” which is similar to Gary Chapman’s concept of a love “tank.” Love and respect are very important, but they are not tanks or gaps which must be filled.  (Though Mrs. Dillow did recover from this later by emphasizing that we should respect our husbands because God’s Word commands it, regardless of whether or not they are filling our “love gaps” in return.)

3) The chapter on forgiveness may be misleading.  Dillow presents forgiveness mainly as a one-time decision, neglecting that forgiveness may also be a process.  Many deep hurts require entering a battle, continuously re-surrendering the hurt to God, and renewing our minds with Scripture.  A person who tries to forgive with a simple one-time decision may become frustrated if their anger and bitterness return later.  That’s why it’s important to understand forgiveness as both an event and a process.

4) Several anecdotes may over-emphasize the responsibility of the wife in the marital problems.  While keeping in mind that the point of the book is to consider the log in our own eye before worrying about the speck in our husband’s eyes, sometimes our husbands have their own sin issues that God must convict them of.  For example, one of the stories told of a husband who had become enslaved to pornography.  The wife felt that God’s answer to this problem was to become more sexually available to him.  From this anecdote, one might mistakenly conclude that it was the wife’s fault that her husband had fallen into sin and that she could fix his problem by changing her actions.  On the contrary, her husband was responsible for his sinful choices and the problem could only be fixed by God’s intervention and the husband’s repentance.  (This concern only applied in very few instances.)

However, even after noting these considerations and cautions, I wholeheartedly recommend the book.

What’s it like to be Married to Me? is a great resource, especially if you are experiencing marital conflict, a stubborn grudge, intimacy issues, or emotional distance. 

It would also be helpful if you want to take an already-good marriage to the next level. 

I consider my marriage to be healthy and happy, but I was still convicted about some things I could change. 

I definitely recommend this book

 if you are woman enough to handle it.  

If you are really brave, you could walk through the book with some friends as a 10-12 week bible study.

{What's it like to be Married to Me? is available in the Women's Life Office library, if you would like to come by to check it out!}

We have been talking a lot about reading in our posts this new year. Today's guest post from Hilary Ratchford reminds us that we can engage even better with those we minister to if we engage culture with a discerning eye. 

SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU PLAN TO READ ALL THREE OF THE HUNGER GAMES BOOKS OR SEE ALL FOUR MOVIES, THIS POST DOES CONTAIN SOME SPOILERS FROM THE END OF THE LAST BOOK!

Read Recently? Hunger Games

After seeing the second movie in the Hunger Games trilogy, “Catching Fire,” in early December, a girlfriend of mine finally convinced me to read the series. I admit, I was hesitant because:

1) I was skeptical about the plotline – kids killing kids?!

2) I was hoping for a break from reading – after all, I had just finished the fall semester!

3) I was honestly a little concerned about what people would think of me… Wasn’t this book labeled “Juvenile” Fiction (a.k.a. for teens)? Would I just be trying to jump in on the latest fad {a little late}??

But I have to tell you… I really enjoyed reading the series. So much so, that I read them quickly.
Like the whole series in less than a week!  [I think I was still functioning in the efficiency of “school mode”].

Not only was it a much needed dose of fiction and imagination, I finally understood why it appealed to so many people. Women, particularly.

At the heart of ministry is people. And for me, specifically, my ministry is women. I desired to know why  old roommates, missionary friends, college girls that I’ve had the privilege to journey alongside, and even my older sister were so enthralled with the series.

So, to enjoy a little respite from non-fiction and for the sake of just no-longer-being-naive-to-what-is-infiltrating-our-women-though-culture, I dove in.

I realized that…

* Everyone loves a good heroine.

* Women want to feel valued.

* And every heroine {or just regular gal} wants to be pursued and protected.  Right?

Yet {one theme} stood out in particular – both to me, and to the ladies with whom I discussed the series.

After reading the books, we could not help but be touched by the {steadfastness} of Peeta, the protagonist’s (Katniss) tribute partner - turned friend - turned love interest - turned spouse.

Peeta’s {loyalty} to Katniss, his willingness to sacrifice himself for her, to protect her, to continue loving her even when her affections are directed elsewhere… all of this makes us want to root for Peeta, right?

Even those that do not know the Faithful One are naturally inclined to pull for the one who is constant in character.

Don’t you see? That desire was written on our heart-strings long before the Games ever began...

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“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” Hebrews 13:8 [ESV]
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“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” James 1:17 [ESV]

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“But the Lord is faithful… May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.” 1 Thessalonians 3:3,5 [ESV]

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We yearn for {faithfulness} and {constancy} because we, indeed, are inconstant.

How often have you given up on a commitment? Betrayed a friend’s trust? Sought your own good before that of someone else?

So my recommendation? The next time you pick up a ((fiction)) novel, read it with a discerning eye. 

Enjoy the creativity that God has gifted the author with, but at the same time, recognize the Author of creativity. It all points back to Him.

* If your emotions resonate with a character or if you’re “pulling” for a certain outcome, why?

* Is it because a character trait leads you to a deeper awe & appreciation for the Person of Christ?

* Is it because evil is defeated, victory is won, and good is restored?

* Is it because there is reconciliation in the narrative?

Ponder these questions, and others that you come up with, and then point the story line back to the Gospel.  After all, each story shadows the greatest Story ever told:

A {faithful} God pursued mankind by sending His {selfless} Son, Jesus Christ, to sacrifice His life to bring reconciliation, to conquer evil, and to restore a perfect kingdom. And the Story doesn’t end there…

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As Job said in Job 19:25-27 –

“I know that My Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will
stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God;
I myself will see Him with my own eyes – I, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!”

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Don’t be afraid, like I initially was, to read something that is outside of the traditional Christian recommended reading. 

Please hear me, I’m not telling you to be conformed to the pattern of this world – we must be transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2). Yet, know the people at the heart of your ministry. They are in the world, and we must reach them with the Gospel . . .  With the Story that has been written on the tablets of human hearts.

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As Christ prayed for His disciples in John 17:15-18 –

“My prayer is not that You take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by Your Truth, Your Word is Truth. As You sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world…”

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Connect their natural inclination to root for the {faithful, devoted, constant} Peeta in the Hunger Games trilogy to their desire to be pursued & intimately known by the Faithful, Devoted, Constant One. 

Because His Story never ends.